Ethan L Schreiber

A Realization

2010-03-24T03:38:00.000-07:00

I recently found a fairly painful growth on my neck and so I went to the UCLA health center. The doctor looked at it and decided after about 3 minutes that it was most likely a swollen lymph node due to an infection. She prescribed antiobiotics but also suggest if it doesn't get better, to see a specialist she referred me to. I made an appointment for 3 days later for the specialist. When the time came for the appointment, the growth had shrunk significantly and stopped hurting. All evidence suggested I was well on my way to being better. I figured though that since my copay is only 20 bux, I might as well go to get it checked out. I went to the doctor and in about 1.5 minutes (after filling out lots of paper work), she told me it is an infection and I will be fine.

And here lies the problem. I imagine that the appointment probably cost the insurance company on the order of a few hundred bucks. If I had to pay say even 100 bux, I would have had second thoughts about going since I was already pretty confident I was fine. Yet, with the cheap copay, I went.

And this, in my mind, is the big problem with our healthcare system. All incentive to not see a doctor has been taken away. I am pretty confident that a large fraction of the people seeing doctors don't need to and they wouldn't if they had to pay for it directly.

The government subsidizing the health care system simply masks the problem and keeps our whole system inefficient. Sure, its great that 30 million more people will be insured. However, we still have a huge problem which is a tremendous national debt, a humongous budget deficit and no sign of change. The financial decisions our country has made over the last 10 years have been horrible. It is not a democrat or a republican thing, it is an american thing. We spend money to blow up people in the desert, to prop up greedy corporations, to subsidize bad mortgages. It has to stop, please let it stop. I have saved some money, I want it to continue to exist and be worth something in the years forward. I am a saver and I feel it unjust that I should be punished for that.

A Plea to Omar Minaya and Jeff Wilpon

2009-11-06T10:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Omar and Jeff,

You don't know me but I have been rooting for the mets for the past 25 years. I have been at Shea through the glory of the 80s, the embarrassment of the early and mid 90s, the resurgence of the late 90s and the disappointment of the 00s. I even made the trip to Citi this past year.

I am quite disturbed by a trend dating back to the Victor Zambrano deal. The vast majority of deals the Mets make seem bad the day they make them. When good deals are made, top dollar is often paid. It is rare the Mets get a bargain either through trades or free agency.

And so now we come to a fateful period. The Mets, a flawed team last year who had a terrible run of luck ended up with a horrible season. I am sure there is some madness in the organization right now. My fear is that the wrong thing will be done again. Let me show you some statistics:

	G	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BA	OBP	SLG
Home	440	1651	337	580	128	18	100	375	.351	.420	.632
Away	414	1587	236	450	99	8	52	217	.284	.353	.454

If the home numbers were achieved at every ballpark, this would be a 20 million dollar a year player. If the away numbers were achieved at every ballpark, this would be a 6 million dollar a year player.

These numbers are the career numbers of Matt Holiday. He is a slightly above average outfielder. So here is my plea: DO NOT SIGN HIM. I am begging you. I moved to Los Angeles two years ago after living the first 29 of my years in New York. I put my Mets Jersey on and headed out to Chavez Ravine when the Mets came to town. I wat treated to a game in which Ryan Church forgot how to touch third base and Jeremy Reed forgot how to throw a baseball 75 feet as they blew it in extra innings.

The Dodgers, while a flawed team, have done a lot right in building their team. They have 4 solid to excellent young players who were developed in their farm system. They have some young talented arms they developed. And when they spent on a free agent, they got the best available and paid through the nose for him. They are a team that a self respecting educated man could root for.

The Mets are a mess. Omar, you are not an educated man. You are fine as the guy who goes to Latin America and sweet talks the free agents there. You are not a guy who should be running a major league team. Jeff, it is clear that you have been given everything you want from when you were a boy until now. Your poppa even got you drafted onto a minor league team even though you clearly didn't belong. You need to go back home to your Rolls Royce and drive around, picking up hot women and enjoy your life.

So I ask you two to get some help. You are destined to pay 15 million per year over 7 years for a mediocre Matt Holiday. If and when that happens, I am going to find it hard to root for this team anymore. When you signed Pedro, I cringed. When you sign Glavine, I cringed. Even when you signed Johan who clearly had begun his slow descent, I cringed. Johan has been great so far but he has had a lot of arm problems and you have him for 4 more years at a LOT of money. I can't handle any more of this spending a LOT of money for not the best player or an aging superstar.

I love the Mets, I have always loved the Mets but I cannot support this type of destructive behaviour. The Knicks finally got their act together, and Jeff, your spoiled brat analog James Dolan learned his lesson and turned the team over to an educated man who could figure out how to fix the thing. Omar is your Isiah Thomas. Let him go, hire a smart baseball man. Go ask Billy Beane or Theo Epstein for a recommendation, I'm sure they know someone. If you sign Matt Holiday, I very well will have to find a new team to root for.

Yours,

Ethan Schreiber

Error while dumping state (probably corrupted stack) \ Segmentation fault (core dumped)

2009-08-29T20:46:00.000-07:00

3 [main] create 14064 _cygtls::handle_exceptions: Error while dumping state (probably corrupted stack)
Segmentation fault (core dumped)

Do you use cygwin for C++ programming? Have you gotten this message? Have you figured that there was no way to deal with this outside of perhaps Valgrind? Well, it turns out there is.

- Compile with -g flag.
- Say you are creating an executable called foo.exe
- The core dump will create foo.exe.stackdump
- Run this command:

awk '/^[0-9]/{print $2}' foo.exe.stackdump | addr2line -f -e foo.exe

So long as you compiled with -g, this will give you the stack trace and tell you where your error is. Saved me a lot of time, hopefully you too. I found this information somewhere else on the web but can't find the source now so I apologize for that. This is part of why I am putting this here. That way, next time I need it, I got it!

Or you could use a random number generator

2009-05-26T01:58:00.000-07:00

http://gamesbyemail.com/News/DiceOMatic

flpsed

2009-05-06T22:35:00.000-07:00

flpsed is absolutely great. It is a simple pdf editor. It is technically for postscript files but it opens up pdf files as well. You have to save em as ps but you can always use ps2pdf to convert back.

If you have a pdf form, it is a simple interface for filling in the form. Easy peezy japanesey. Give it a try. Linux only.

sudo apt-get install flpsed

OK, I'm done with MySQL

2009-04-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

Say you have a table foo with column value and you want to delete the row with the maximum value. You would think this would work:

DELETE FROM foo WHERE value = (SELECT max(value) FROM foo);

But they don't support this. You would have to copy the max value to another table and then join on that table or other such nonsense. The WHERE clause of a DELETE statement may not contain reference to the table you are deleting from. This also is so with UPDATE. Postgres has no such limitation and so that is where I shall be.

Do Indians not understand time zones?

2009-04-22T08:58:00.001-07:00

This morning, I was woken up at 6:40am by Lenovo customer service. I had a similar experience in the past with Dell customer service. Now, I know these companies outsource to India in order to save money on technical support. Presumably, the people in India are still qualified for the job. (Presumably being the operative word.) Why can't these people figure out time zones? I mean, India is a number of time zones away from any American time zone but seriously, just count and figure out when an appropriate time to call is. Hint: Don't call anyone for business purposes before 9am.

I really wanted to buy a new Macbook Pro

2009-03-31T23:08:00.000-07:00

After being a Windows/Linux user since the days of Windows 3.0, I took the plunge to Mac about 3 years ago now. Frankly, the switch was mostly about the beauty of the Macbook pro. I had a series of Dell laptops before the Macbook pro and while they were functional and got the job done, I didn't feel like James Bond using one like I did with my MBP.

I have to say, the 3 years have been successful computing wise. In that time, I completed my masters degree in computer science, worked at the finest job I have ever had, got into a PhD program in computer science and am now finishing up my second year here. This computer and I have been through a lot together and I have grown to really appreciate OS X and the MBP.

But sadly, today marks the end of my Macsperiment. I really wanted to buy a new Macbook pro. I tried to figure out how it would make sense, but the new Unibody Macs simply were not built for me.

To say the least, I am a screen real estate snob. My LCD is 30", 2560x1600 with a DVI-D input. Therefore, the first criterion for a laptop for me was a dual link DVI option. As far as I can tell, I had 2 options, either the Macbooks, both the regular and pro "support" (with lots of problems) DVI-D; the Lenovo T61 or W500; or the Dell M1730 which is a ridiculous 10.6 pound bohemoth.

See my earlier posts to see my opinion on Dell. Heck, I'll just say it again. Dell is horrible. Ever since they have moved their support to India, they are absolutely worthless. Beyond that, a 10.6 pound computer is not a laptop in my book. So, this leaves me with the Mac or Lenovo. I am really into computer aethetics and especially having a thin computer. Perhaps this is my own sickness. Being a less than thin man who was a fat kid, I always look for thin things. I like thin girls and I like thin computers. The MBP are about 1 inch thick while the W500 is about 1.3" so I was naturally attracted to the MBP.

So, why did I just purchase the Lenovo W500? Well, it comes down to a few things:

Resolution:

The Macbook has a resolution of 1200x800. This is unacceptable.
The 15" Macbook Pro has a screen resolution of 1440x900. This is also unacceptable.
The 17" Macbook Pro has a screen resolution of 1900x1200. This is great but 17" is a little on the large size for a laptop.

There are no other choices. Are you freaking kidding me? This is a joke. My 12" Lenovo x61 tablet has a resolution of 1400x1050. Why does Apple not offer a reasonable resolution for their 13" or 15" model? I mean, I get that some people have poor eyesight and can't handle the extra resolution on the small screens but couldn't they provide the option for those of us who can see and would like to fit more on the screen at once?

Mini-Displayport
This is an embarassment. First off, this is an obvious money grab. Apple puts on the mini displayport which NO ONE but apple supports. They then charge $100.00 for the mini displayport to DVI-D adapter (and 30 for DVI or VGA adapter). So, anyone who buys one of these laptops has to either buy a ridiculously priced cinema screen (they are typically about twice as much as the same size/resolution from another vendor) or buy a ridiculously priced adapter. Why not just support an industry standard? i.e., VGA, DVI, DVI-D, hdmi or regular displayport? I'll tell you why, because then they couldn't rip you off for adapters.

And secondly and even more importantly, the DVI-D adapter does not work!!! Seriously? You are going to charge 100 bux for an adapter that doesn't work?

Price

So, if I were to accept the problems with the DVI-D adapter, the only Mac with a reasonable resolution is the 17". This guy costs about 3000 after tax and everything. To be exact, I would have gotten the 17" with 2.93 GHZ processor, 4 gigs of memory, 320 GB hdd + DVI-D adapter. With the student discount, this was about 3,200 shipped and with tax.

Alternatively, I could have gotten a 15" with the same specs for about 2900 after shipping and tax.

Both of these numbers seemed quite steep for a computer which was either too big (17") or too low resolution (15") with a faulty DVI-D connector.

So, I bought the Lenovo W500 from the Lenovo outlet. I got a 15" 2.8ghz with 160 GB hdd (will upgrade to 500 GB for 100 bux on my own), 1900x1200 screen and 4 gig memory. In order to connect to my 30" monitor, I got two advanced mini-docks. (one for work and one for hime.) I also got a second battery so I have the 6 cell for day to day use (it is smaller and lighter) and the 9 cell for travel. Grand total? About 1600 bux. Add 100 bux for a 500 GB hdd and you have:

I got the right size laptop with a better screen resolution (plus it isn't glary...oops I mean glossy), slightly lower clock speed, the same memory, larger hard drive, two docking stations for convenience, an extra battery and it ACTUALLY WORKS powering my 30" monitor all for about half the price of the Mac.

Now, I want to make it clear that I am sad to leave the Apple family. I tried my darndest to stay. But if you are going to charge me luxury prices, you have to provide a luxury product with no buts involved. There were simply too many buts. As a stockholder in the Apple company, I truly hope they get their act together on this stuff. I think they are getting greedy again like they did in the late 80s. Their need to control the market and not open up anything had them trounced by IBM then. I hope their same arrogance and greed doesn't get them again since their design vision truly is beautiful.

I encourage you to check out the lenovo outlet or if refurbished isn't your thing, the lenovo CPP site. The password for CPP is "familyandfriends".

Kubuntu, HO!

ranker.com

2009-02-27T10:56:00.000-08:00

I got an email from ranker.com today sent to the UCLA grad student mailing list. They are looking to hire students. This might just be the most insulting job posting I have ever seen for a group of graduate level computer scientists. Here is the posting in its full glory:

Calling All Facebookers, Tweeples, Diggers & Youtubers: Internet Startup Seeks Smart, Hardworking Intern Looking To Get In On The Ground Floor Of The Next Big Thing On The Web

Would you like to be a part of the next Facebook, Digg, YouTube or Yelp? Would you like to work directly with a man who has already founded four successful businesses? Would you like to be paid in college credit and free snacks?

We are a stealth web start-up, focused on user-generated content, with elements of social networking and a whole lot of cutting-edge technology. We are currently deep in development, and we should be publicly launching within a few months. We can tell you more about ourselves, and our business, once you sign an NDA, but in the meantime, you can check us out at www.ranker.com .

We are currently looking for bright, hard-working interns to help us out with some research, testing, and general office tasks. If you’re willing to get your hands dirty learning the ins and outs of launching a successful website, then we encourage you to apply and be a part of this exciting time in our development.

Requirements:
Duties will range from answering the phones to helping us pick graphics to finding and summarizing the latest news on internet business method patents, and you will be using resources ranging from Facebook to Freebase, so familiarity with the web is a huge must. You need to be able to sit in front of a computer for long periods of time, pay attention to the details of your work and do everything from washing dishes to virally marketing our site. You must also be able to answer phones, take direction, think on your feet, use a microwave, write a coherent sentence, and defeat an army of the undead using only your dry humor and the chainsaw attached to your wrist. Okay, we were kidding about the last part. But, a working knowledge of pop culture is a huge plus, and the ability to function well in a casual business environment is definitely a must.

Rewards:
The opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a groundbreaking new website, and the chance to work directly with a man who knows what he’s doing when it comes to websites. We’re a growing company, so good interns could end up moving into paid positions down the line. We’ll also give you all the college credit your school will accept. And, of course, the snacks.

For more information, please send your resume and contact info to mollie@ranker.com.

So, in essence they want to hire a computer scientist as a maid/secretary and don't want to pay them. Are you bleeping kidding me? My response:

Hi Mollie,

I am not interested in your position, I am writing for a different reason. We at UCLA computer science get solicitations for jobs daily on our grad email list. Your requirements are not the requirements for a computer scientist and are not appropriate for this list. Reading your full post, I thought, they do a pretty good job of making the company sound important. Then, you provide requirements including answering phones, doing dishes and using a microwave. What don't you provide? Any requirements having to do with computer science, that's what. And to top it off, you allude to the fact you don't even pay your interns. If I were you, I would strongly reconsider modifying your requirements or modifying the target audience you send it to.

I worked at a startup for a number of years so I understand what has to get done has to get done. Nonetheless, when sending a job requirement to a group of grad students of computer science, I think the job requirements posted on your website for a research engineer would be much more appropriate than the ones you included.

So, you can take or leave this piece of advice. I just thought that you would like to know that this is the only job posting on this list I have responded to, and I did it because I found it insulting and completely out of touch.

Good Luck.

Sincerely,

Ethan Schreiber

Another Reason I Am Sad Michael Bloomberg is not our President

2009-02-27T02:23:00.000-08:00

First read this link.

Now read this one.

Michael Bloomberg has a rare trait for a politician. He is both rational and smart. Where others see a paradox, he sees a win-win situation. Now if only our fearless leader could come to a similar conclusion over nuclear power.

Monoprice vs Dell

2009-02-23T17:51:00.000-08:00

monoprice.com is unbelievable. You must check out their site if you need to buy any type of cable or simple computer accessory. Why?

They are incredibly cheap! I just bought three 14' ethernet cables for 1.60 each!!! I also bought a mounting arm for my 30" LCD monitor for 12.50. Similar devices cost about 100 bux elsewhere.
Their shipping is reasonable, they actually charge what it costs.
Their service is impeccable. Within minutes of placing my order, I received order confirmation including tracking number. They will send the order out first thing tomorrow morning.

For those loyal followers of this blog, you will have heard of my Dell experience. At Dell, they can't communicate worth a damn, you get phone calls from them at all hours and tracking numbers arrive after the item does (I kid you not).

A company like monoprice restores my faith that their are good companies out there. Three cheers for monoprice:

hip hip... HOORAY!
hip hip... HOORAY!
hip hip... HOORAY!

Best commercial ever

2009-01-26T19:24:00.001-08:00

I have had this song in my head for about 3 months now. The video is not quite aligned with the sound here but it is the best I could find:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/28059972#28059972

The new system of quotas

2009-01-23T19:41:00.000-08:00

I was raised to believe that it is proper to be blind to race,sexual-orientation, religion, etc. When I was young, my sister had a shirt that said, "girls can do anything boys can do, only better". Black, white, asian, gay, straight, jewish, muslim, christian, animism, etc etc etc. It doesn't mean a thing.

And you know what, I believe it. I'm sure there are all sorts of confounding variables of how valuable a person may be that perhaps involve some of these things. Perhaps there are correlations, perhaps there are genetic issues, perhaps lots of things happen which allow these categorizations to dictate worth.

The thing is, I don't give a shit. The color of our eyes might have a predictive power. The kind of toothpaste we use might have a predictive power, etc etc etc. There are many ways to categorize and therefore separate people from each other. When I think of the people I know and some of the most talented and good people I have met, I can think of people who are black, white, gay, straight, Chrisitan, Jewish, Muslim, Mormon, Asian, Buddhist, Hindu, etc. For each of these, I am thinking of at least one specific person I know.

So why do I write this? I was thinking today about Hillary Clinton's senatorial replacement, Which got me to thinking about Barrack Obama's senatorial replacement, which made me think of Mr. McCain's running mate which made me think of Mr. Bush's second Secretary of State etc.

What do these people have in common? It seems to me that they were chosen not based on ability but based on getting the right category filled. We had a black guy before so we need a black guy now. We had a woman before so we need a woman now. They are running a minority so we better run a woman since they spurned women.

Now, perhaps these are all coincidences but I doubt it. I truly believe that there are lots of talented people of all categories. If we were blind to the categories and chose positions as a meritocracy, we would approximately end up with representation mirroring the breakdown of the categories in the general population. So, please, for the love of god, could we start to do just that?

My Horrible Dell Customer Service Saga

2009-01-12T09:37:00.000-08:00

Last December, I started looking for a new laptop computer. I already own a 30" Dell 3007WFP LCD. I wanted the new computer to power this monitor. I currently have a Macbook Pro (an old one, from 2006 with the core duo processor) that is falling apart. Besides being slow, old, banged up and maxed out at 2gb of memory, it does a beautiful job. But unfortunately, it is now time to move on. Given that I have to power my 30" LCD, there seem to be only a few viable laptop. So, I went on the search to find a laptop that would work.

It appeared from the forums I was reading that the Dell Latitude E6500 with the optional docking station would fit the bill. Since the information on the forums was not definitive, I contacted Dell customer support through online chat. In this chat, I specifically asked if the E6500 with *** DOCK *** would power my 3007WFP at full 2560x1600 resolution. The response I got was unequivocally yes.

Now, if I knew more, I would have realized that Dell reps don't know their ass from their elbow. It turns out they all read from a script all day and if they are asked to go off of that script, they get frazzled and don't know what to do. They just promise you whatever they can to get you to buy stuff without any regard for the truth. Unfortunately, I did not know this at the time.

On December 23, 2008, I placed an order with the Dell outlet for the E6500 with the E-port dock as I was instructed to do. There was a 15% off coupon I could use which made the deal quite good. For $1288 including tax and shipping, I got:

A 2.8 ghz E6500
WUXGA screen
4gb ram (in 1 dimm!!! so I could upgrade to 6 or 8 for 20 dollars or 300 dollars respectively on my own later)
120 gb hard drive (I have a 500gb drive I can replace it with)
The E-Port dock
And even includes a bluetooth portable mouse for good luck.

So, while I was sad for leaving the world of Macintosh, I felt like I was getting a great deal. An equivalently specced mac would cost almost $3000 and would come with a XGA+ screen as opposed to the WUXGA (1440x900 as opposed to 1900x1200) which for me is a major difference. Of course the mac is thinner, prettier and has a better trackpad. Furthermore, I prefer OS X to Ubuntu (which was to get installed) but all in all, I was happy. And off the record, you can install OS X on the E6500. WIFI seemed like a problem to get working but I'm sure it could be done by either replacing the internal intel wifi card with another brand (broadcom?) or with an external USB wifi card. And so I waited.

I got my confirmation email and it said the computer would be shipped on January 8th. What?!?! This was a refurbished computer from the Dell outlet. This means it is in stock in the warehouse. Why on earth would it take 17 days to take a computer sitting in the warehouse and put it in a UPS truck? There was no wait time for parts to arrive or to put it together. It was in a box ready to go and all that was needed was a man to put it on a truck. I emailed and asked about why the ship date was so late. I got no response to this email but did get a confirmation that my order was shipped on 12/26/08. It was kind of funny. Had I not asked, would it have been shipping on January 8th? Or is it Dell's policy to quote a ridiculously long lead time for shipping and then ship it weeks before?

Anyway, I was happy, I would soon have a brand new computer. The computer was supposed to arrive on between December 31-January2. The order status said there was no tracking information. I waited two days and still it said the tracking info had not been posted. So, I sent another email asking for a tracking number. This email was not responded to. And so I waited and eventually on the 2nd, the computer came. Oh sweet joy!

On January 2nd, (before the computer arrived) I got an email saying I could get the tracking information through the online order system along with a link. Of course, the tracking number was not there, it just said the tracking number had not been posted. I responded and said that the tracking number was not there and that is why I emailed in the first place. Later in the day, the computer arrived so I let it go. On January 5th, 3 days after the computer arrived, they emailed me my tracking number without a mention of the time frame. I found that comical.

Anyway, I had my computer and I was happy. I had received my 500gb hard drive and 2gb of SO-DIMM days before so I quickly installed them and got to installing Ubuntu. It installed easily with one problem. For the life of me, I could not get my 3007WFP to work at 2560x1600 resolution. I spent hours on this one figuring it must be an issue with the linux configuration. After many hours of frustration, I thought I would look up the video card on the internet.

The E6500 comes with an Nvidia Quadro 160M video card. I found it's tech specs at http://www.nvidia.com/object/quadro_nvs_notebook_techspecs.html . As you will see, it states clearly that the maximum external resolution is 1900x1200. NEWMAN! Well, I figured that perhaps Dell had performed some magic with the dock port or some such craziness so I chatted with customer service. After running around in circles with them answering every question but the one I asked, eventually, they said that no, the E6500 could not power the 3007WFP. Are you F***ING kidding me?

And so, I began the process of returning the computer. And now, I'm stuck with my academic quarter having begun without my new computer. (Small violins playing in the background now.) So, I begin thinking of alternatives. I spoke to Dell and they now promise me the Precision m4400 with the E-port Plus dock will support the monitor. I tend to believe them this time because I see evidence that it's video card, the Nvidia 770m does appear to support the necessary resolution. So, I looked at the outlet and see the precision there. The only difference between the e6500 and the M4400 is the video card and the lid design. Yet, it is a few hundred dollars more.

So, given my ordeal, I email customer support and ask for 100 bux off for my troubles. They eventually say yes but not before calling me at 6am one day to discuss it. When I got the call, I asked them if they know what time it is? They said, "where are you located"? I told them incredulously, "you have my address sitting right in front of you on your computer!" Anyway, they give me the 100 dollar repreive so I start checking out the m4400. While doing this, I realize that the 15% coupon code I had before no longer is valid. Ugh!

So, I again email customer support about this and ask if they can get me the 15% off on top of the 100 dollar discount. Today, about 3 days after I asked, I got a call, this time at 9am (well done Dell, you must be listening...although I did specifically say I preferred if they email me as opposed to call me in my email) about the 15% discount. He said he could get it for me. Just order the computer and email him with the order number. So I said great, so I can get both the 15% and the 100 dollars. He said yes. So then I said I asked him to email me confirmation that I can go ahead and order the computer and then email him the order number and he will give me
15% + 100 dollars off. He said he can't give me 15% + 100 dollars off, only one or the other. (Communication is not Dell customer service's strong suit.)

So being quick on my feet, I thought, maybe we can compromise and so I asked for 20% off. He said he could probably do it but had to speak to the finance department. He asked me to place the order and give him the order number and then he would work on it. I asked him what happens if I place the order and he cannot get me the 20% off? He kind of ignored that and said he understands my concern but please just place the order. I told him very clearly that I will place the order if he can get me the 20% discount but will not if he cannot. I then added that as soon as I get email documentation, I would go ahead and place the order.

And so, I just got an email from his underling asking me to place the order so his boss could work on my 20% off. Sigh.

So, maybe I am asking for it looking at a Dell. I really don't want to pay the Apple 1700 dollar premium to get a lesser screen even though it is soooo shiny and pretty. I could also get a lenovo but that comes with an ATI video card and a 500 dollar heftier price tag. The HP Elitebook also is an option but that is also expensive and doesn't appear to be a very nice computer.

And so, maybe I am stuck with Dell. Why?!?!?!?! *shakes fist*

campus buddy and UCLA in bed

2008-12-16T01:22:00.000-08:00

I just got an email from a new site called campus buddy asking me to rate my ucla professors. How did they get my email? From the best I can tell, UCLA sold it to them. Or alternatively, there is some easy method to get a list of all UCLA students. Either way, what kind of low class crap is this? Hopefully there is some better explanation bu I can't figure it.

We have a president who is willing to speak to us for 60 minutes twice a year and an administration that sells our information, what a place! Thank god for the academics because the administration is failing to impress.

one more hurrah for Ron Paul

2008-11-12T15:52:00.000-08:00

I just want to point out that one year ago, when this whole presidential campaign began, there was exactly one candidate warning about the dangers of our spending excess and impending financial collapse. I love you Ron, even if most of America is too ignorant to see the brilliance of what you do.

So yay Obama, the next Roosevelt, I'm sure we will feel all warm and tingly inside after you step into office with your message of hope and a government to take care of us. But just know, had people like Ron Paul been running this country, financial crises such as these would not be so commonplace.

Marbury for All-Star game

2008-11-11T19:42:00.001-08:00

This is a brilliant idea! Vote Stephon Marbury to the all-star game.

http://www.faniq.com/blog/Stephon-Marbury-and-Eddy-Curry-Could-Start-The-AllStar-Game-Blog-14017

Gene Block is no Ruth Simmons

2008-11-10T16:41:00.000-08:00

Ruth Simmons is the president of Brown University. To say that she is beloved is an understatement. I went to see Hillary Clinton speak at Brown in 2006. Ruth introduced senator clinton. The ovation that Ruth got dwarfed the ovation for the featured speaker. There were cries of "I love you Ruth" and other such statements. Ruth was famous for being caring, open and above all, always available to the students. Now, at UCLA, from time to time, I am presented with this form letter from the chancellor:

Dear UCLA Student Community:

I am pleased to announce that I will be holding my second “Student Office Hour” this academic year on Monday, December 1, 4:00–5:00 p.m. This arrangement is designed to provide established times for me to meet in my office with individual students. I hope to meet with a wide variety of students representing a broad spectrum of interests and concerns, have the chance to hear your views, and share some of mine with you.

Each meeting will be scheduled for ten minutes. As in the past, any interested student may submit a request for an appointment by responding to this e-mail.

The deadline for submitting requests is 11:00 a.m. on Wednesday, November 19. Responses received by this deadline will be entered in a random lottery-style drawing, and students whose responses are selected from the lottery will be notified by e-mail the following day. Please include your daytime phone number and your student ID # in your request.

I apologize for the brevity of these appointment times. On a campus as large as ours, we want to accommodate as many students as possible in the time available.

I look forward to seeing you and talking with you.

Sincerely,

Gene D. Block

Chancellor

I find it downright insulting that this man, who oversees this university made up of 10s of thousands of students can only find 1 hour every few months to speak to these students. Think about that, 1 hour!!! And on top of that, if you want the opportunity to speak to him, you have to enter into a lottery system and if you are lucky, will get 10 minutes of his time. Should we be thankful that he will bless us with his presence for 10 minutes? Now I understand that UCLA is much larger than Brown but I am willing to bet that Dr. Simmons spends MUCH more than 1 hour every few months speaking to students. I say, lets find a president who actually cares about the students he serves and lets get rid of this chicanery of a man who only pretends to give a shit.

People who stall online

2008-11-09T23:01:00.000-08:00

I like to play spades online at Yahoo! Games. (games.yahoo.com). My favorite game to play there is Spades. It is a game I picked up the summer between my junior and senior years in college. I spent the summer at Vassar "doing research" and a group of people there played spades many nights. The people who played were mostly black or Puerto Rican and from the city. It was funny, as the rules were different and cheating was sort of a built in part of the game. People would pass each other cards under the table, cut a suit when they still had cards left in it, mis-mark the score. There was nothing out of bounds. I felt like I got a little taste of city life which meant something to a suburban boy from long island.

And so, since about 1999, I have played about 2500 games of spades online. There are a few phenomena that are interesting about it. First of all, there are a lot of pretty talented card players out there. When we always go around thinking that most people are stupid, it is fun to see a community made up of people from all socio-economic groups who tend to be pretty good at something.

But the thing is, people take a lot of pride in playing. You are matched up with a stranger when you play and the success of the team is dependent on both of you. When something goes wrong, people often blame their partner. Even if the person makes the right play statistically, if it doesnt work out, all hell can break loose.

The most amazing behavior is when people begin to stall. You see, for each turn, the player has 3 minutes to make a move. In reality, you tend to need 1 second or less to do so. So when a player is mad, they will often punish their opponents and wait 2 minutes and 50 seconds or so to make their move. Some people will keep this up for hours. Right now, as I am writing, my opponent is stalling because he thinks his partner screwed up. The irony is that the person stalling is the one who actually screwed up. I am trying to convince my partner to just cancel the game but he wants the win very badly.

What do you get if you win? You have a rating and it goes up. That is it. You get a higher number next to your name. This goes to show that people are funny. Why do we care about such a silly thing? I know very few people who would care nearly this much losing a game of cards to some friend. What is it about online games that makes this so commonplace? Is it just that the quality of people I spend time with face to face with is higher? Is it the anonymity of the web that allows people's true colors to surface? Is it that people who play online spades are just more intense in competition?

I can't answer but it makes me sad. It makes me wonder if people really have this shitty side inanetely inside of them? Are we at our core selfish crybabies who put on a good face because we are face to face with others? If the social pressures were taken away, would we just be awful to each other all the time?

I like to hope that is not the case but I am continually disappointed by the behaviour of people in anonymous situations and that scares me.

is this what it feels like to die?

2008-11-07T16:17:00.001-08:00

I was just taking a nap on the sofa in my office. When I woke up, I could not move. This happens to me from time to time. It is a very strange thing, like my body is having trouble warming up. Anyway, as I lay there trying to regain motor control, I wondered if this is death. Is death consciousness with a lack of control?

I was there, perceiving my environment but not really understanding it as I could see nothing, only hear things. Everything was muffled and not understandable. I was there, alone, powerless, hearing the evidence of life around me but not feeling a part of it. Is this what is feels like to die?

Great little article

2008-11-06T14:17:00.000-08:00

http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=MWE3YjY4MDY3MzBkMjZmYzVmZjNhNTI2ZmQyMzExYzc=

And that's the point. I too am not a huge Barack Obama fan in terms of policy. Had there been reasonable opposition, I could have easily been swayed to vote for them. Nonetheless, there seems to be a lack of cynicism in the media and my social circles that is refreshing to hear. There is something about that man that seems to make us remember that there are a lot of good people out there.

a black president

2008-11-05T14:56:00.000-08:00

Last night, after Barack Obama had been declared the 44th president elect, I went to play softball as any good American would. Just before the game started, a black player on the other team surveyed the field for a moment. Then, he called out, "hey, do we have enough players"? One of the other players answered back, "yes." To which the first player said, "I'm leaving then, a black man is president. I can do whatever I want, no one is going to give me a ticket tonight."

Change, hope and high comedy, what else could you ask for?

I hate C++

2008-10-13T18:29:00.000-07:00

I get all of the positives to C languages. I however am a Java developer. Given that Java is the height of hackery, this is something that I shy away from. I am not proud of my attraction to the language. If one believes in Andrew Michael Spence's signaling theory, I am signaling that I am a code monkey worthy of writing meddling code for menial salary. As of today, I say bring it on, I'm not going to pretend I am someone I am not.

Over the summer, I have been working on a circuit compiler which takes Iscas 85 circuits as input and converts them to d-DNNF format. If that sounds confusing, it is only slightly less confusing to me. There was existing code I had to work with that was written in C++. So I figured I might as well write my part in C++ as well. Bad idea.

After a summer of pain coding in this language, my advisor told me the work took about 3 times as long as he expected. I was quite devastated by this. Working in C++ all summer, I lost perspective on time. Everything I did was so painful. I just wrote my first Java program in about 4 months and now I see why. IT IS SO MUCH EASIER. Now, I'm sure there are people out there who program in Haskl, Ocaml, Lisp or Scheme who are screaming, you hack, pick up a real language. Furthermore, there are C/C++ guys who are screaming, you moron, learn a real low level tough guy language. Heck, there might even be Ruby or Python people telling me to use their dogs of languages.

Too all of you, I say go jump in a lake. (That is the PG version) I don't care anymore. I'm good at Java and I don't care what you guys think, I'm using it.

mr bean is my hero

2008-10-13T01:49:00.001-07:00

proving oneself

2008-10-07T22:20:00.000-07:00

It was 5 years ago the last time I got new glasses. When I went to the eye doctor, I learned that my vision had deteriorated by about 15% since that time. For the past few years, I have been struggling to hit a softball, especially at night. This is a skill I had for a long time and it was painful to see it erode.

As a child, I was the fat kid. As the fat kid, you always are assumed to suck at sport until you prove otherwise. I was considered to be the worst in camp each year and batted last until I started crushing the ball and then I batted 4th. I was considered to be the worst in little league until I started crushing the ball and then I batted 4th. Now, I had the new problem of not seeing the ball. On each team I join, I again have to prove myself. The only problem was as of late, I had trouble proving myself. I would every once in a while hit the ball great but often just miss it and pop it up or foul it back.

Now, my vision is corrected and I seem to be back. Tonight, I hit 2 home runs in 3 at bats in a losing effort for our team. Once again, I believe I have proven myself. And yet, I find myself having to prove myself in every other facet of my life as well. Unfortunately, sport is the easiest of the places to prove myself.

In school, I am assumed to be a bad student. I continue disappoint in my research efforts and I must prove myself again. I know that I am intelligent and I know I have interesting ideas to contribute to the world. At the same time, I also know that I need to be given time and autonomy, two things that are in short supply.

With women, I am assumed to be full of shit and insincere. With each new person you date, you have to again prove that you mean what you say. For some reason, people have the natural inclination to doubt what is said to them. To this extent, I find myself moving way too fast for some people's liking.

And so, as I prove myself in a small forum tonight, I wonder about all of the places in my life with which I have a long way to go. I hate the process but if I know anything, the only way to prove oneself is with patience and excellence.

Coolest clock

2008-09-20T22:38:00.000-07:00

Check it out

Moose 4 Obama

2008-08-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

I am an ardent classical liberal who supported Ron Paul. I can't stand either of the two major parties. They are each as disingenuous as the other. I also can't stand the news networks that are in the pockets of these parties. I was going to have a hard time voting for either of the major candidates due to this problem. However, with news of Sarah Palin becoming the vice presidential candidate running with McCain, the choice has become easy.

From her wikipedia entry:

"She and her father would sometimes wake at 3 a.m. to hunt moose before school..."

and

"She hunts, ice fishes, eats mooseburger..."

This is 100% completely unacceptable. Moose, being the highest form of life on this planet should not be murdered and eaten under any circumstances. See you in hell Ms. Palin.

jackie robinson

2008-08-28T15:44:00.000-07:00

This quote by Leo Durocher on Jackie Robinson has not gotten enough attention:

"I do not care if the guy is yellow or black, or if he has stripes like a fuckin' zebra. I'm the manager of this team, and I say he plays. What's more, I say he can make us all rich. And if any of you cannot use the money, I will see that you are all traded."

mr parker jumped

2008-08-19T10:22:00.000-07:00

The Jump from Matt Parker on Vimeo.

You are a braver man than I Mr. Parker.

Wow, politics get dumber each day.

2008-08-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

its official, I live in L.A.

2008-07-29T13:58:00.000-07:00

Experienced my first real California earthquake today. Hurray earthquake!

In case you haven't seen it.

2008-07-25T11:38:00.001-07:00

A housing conjecture

2008-07-25T11:27:00.001-07:00

Is it true?

Professor Pearl

2008-07-22T14:06:00.000-07:00

I took a course with Professor Judea Pearl this past spring. While I did not always follow the content, there was a special feeling being in the room with this man. More so than any other person I have known, he is clearly a pioneer and creative unafraid thinker. His clear respect for science was impressive and being around it inspirational. Here is a speech he gave in Feb, 2008 at the University of Toronto after earning an honorary doctoral degree.

My lastest new (old) sport.

2008-07-17T14:24:00.001-07:00

So I have rediscovered soccer. (Football for my international reading contingent.) When I was 4, I was best known as the fat defender who kicked the ball really far. My skills really haven't improved much over the years.

The big difference is that I have run a lot over the last 5 years. While I am faster than when I was 4, I am not exactly fast. Nonetheless, I tend to be less lazy than most and continuously run up and down the field. This is a much more entertaining way to run than straight jogging.

I used to enjoy basketball for the distraction that got me running but it has a bunch of flaws I have not found in these casual soccer matches. First off, I have a penchant for jumping up and landing on someone's foot in basketball, thereby spraining my ankle. Somehow, soccer seems safer. Also, people have just been nicer on the soccer field. It seems to be all about good play as opposed to the score or fouls. There is no end to ridiculous bickering on the basketball court.

A few years ago, I wrote about my first ice hockey game where I scored the game winning goal with 1 second left in my first game. In that game, the best player on the team skated to the corner and shot the puck off of my stick into the net. I didn't realize the game was over until people were celebrating just a little too much. I also scored the first goal in my first soccer match since college. It was in pretty much the same manner. The best player on the team went into the corner and made a perfect pass off of my foot right into the net. I never scored another ice hockey goal after than game winning one. I hope it is not the same for soccer.

Ethan is Campaign'n

2008-07-16T12:54:00.001-07:00

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

Look for me at the 1:50 mark. If you aren't looking, you will miss me.

the horrible baseball dream

2008-07-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

I have played baseball (or now the old man version, softball) for most of my life. I have had a mix of great years and terrible years. My senior year in high school was less than stellar. Although i had a few good moments, I struggled mightily over the year. I continue to have nightmares about baseball to this day.

The worst thing that happened to me is that I forgot how to throw. This kept getting worse and worse. It all started between 11th and 12th grade. This is when I started to lift weights. I had been a catcher my first three years in high school and had developed a pretty good arm. My sophmore year, I threw out something like 17 runners in 21 games. I once threw out three runners in one inning. They seemed to not respect me or my arm but i kept throwing them out.

Anyway, forgetting how to throw has had a large effect on my confidence and frankly, makes me more upset than it should. I mean, it is just a game, right? Nonetheless, I care. And so, I periodically have this dream where I am back in high school playing ball. When I was there, I always got playing time. However, in my dreams I am always on the bench. The coach simply will not put me in no matter how much I tell him that I am good. Why would my mind torture myself this way?

As I mentioned in my previous post, last night was less than stellar. I suppose this is my minds way of piling on.

My heart beats again

2008-07-06T01:10:00.001-07:00

I was rejected this evening. I did not expect it and it hurt a lot. The last few years have been very hard for me. For two years, I was in a relationship that seemed to polarize all my loved ones' feelings for me. Some people thought I loved my x-girlfriend. Some people thought I did not love her and I was doing a terrible disservice to her. These people treated me as if I was a shallow asshole. In the past, I had always considered myself sincere. It hurt quite a bit to realize that people did not view me this way.

Perhaps the people in the second group had it right. The ex of course left me. I tried to save the relationship but she just would not listen to me. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps my detractors were right. Perhaps I had lost my sense of romance.

These last few months have been a period of great reflection for me. I want to be sincere and passionate. I want to be in love with life, my pursuits and a special woman with whom I can share them. Perhaps these goals are less than noble but they are my goals and I must live with them.

I have tried my hardest to change my outlook. To this end, I have rededicated myself to my work, I have made my lifestyle more healthy from sleep hours, to work habits to intense and often exercise. To be sure, I have been happier of late. Everything has seemed to be working out better. It takes so little to shake my confidence.

Since coming to L.A., I have had nothing but trouble meeting women. So, I decided to be proactive and I recently signed up for the online dating site eHarmony. With my new found excitement for life, I had decided that it was time to try to move on and start dating. A good friend convinced me that eHarmony is a great site and so off I went.

The few people sent to me did not excite me and I was a little nervous. But then, I started to find better candidates. One in particular stood out to me. There was something very sweet, beautiful and innocent about this girl. "Don't get your hopes up", said one friend. We moved through the process very quickly and we were emailing in no time. In her profile were some concerning details. They were all superficial though. I asked about some of these details and she answered with such honesty and dignity that I felt like I did not have to worry after all.

We finally arranged a phone conversation. We chatted for 2 hours and the conversations was smooth and encouraging. We planned a date after this. We ended up meeting at the Beverly Hills Hotel to walk the dog we babysat for. From her pictures, I thought she was quite pretty. In person, I thought she was absolutely stunning. There are some girls that have a look that speaks to me and I believe it speaks to me more than almost any other man. This is when I feel the most magical of chemistry.

We ended up strolling down and up rodeo drive. I had a super time chatting with her. In the time spent, I generated a few opinions. The most striking thing was the honesty with with she shared her thoughts. I do not like formality but instead, I appreciate when people can share there feelings, taboo be damned. As we walked, she found a hydrangea flower and the excitement which she showed for this flower was inspiring. This small piece of beauty brought more life into her face. This lady is a kind soul. Leaving there, I thought she was loving, thoughtful and also quirky.

I was a little concerned about the quirky nature. She had the habit of asking if something she said was rude or bad to say. She was slow in her response in a way that made you think she is either thoughtful or simply slow. There was a nervous giggle that persisted often laughing at things that I did not understand the humor in. Any concern was overwhelmed by the intense feeling of warmth sensed. Being around this woman, I not only experienced beauty but also comfort. I certainly could not tell where it was going but I knew I would go with a smile on my face.

And that is exactly what I did not for the last few days, I smiled. After I smiled, I smiled some more. One should not be so excited about a girl introduced by a strange program through the internet after spending exactly 1.5 hours with her. I knew this even as I continued to be excited and heard the warning of friend and the ridicule of others in response to me saying something like "this girl I am dating." They would scoff at my thought that this was anything but one day spent with a girl. I knew better.

We had planned to go hiking on Sunday. I spent the last few days from morning through night thinking often of this. I went out today to get hydrangeas to give to her. This was a gesture of romance that I had not successfully made in a long time. And then, earlier this evening I got a call asking if I would like to go dancing this evening. This was the best news I had heard in a long time. She could not even wait until tomorrow to see me. We had to go out now. It was clear that this is working out.

I had plans with a friend but asked if we could cut them short. She graciously agreed. The idea that I did not have to wait another day to see her was tremendous. She wanted to go salsa dancing in Santa Monica and so that is what we set off to do. I used to dance salsa for a few years so I am competent if not good at this dance. Since she said she barely dances, I thought this would be a good situation for me.

When we got there, it was quite hot. When it is hot and I dance, I sweat. When we first started dancing, my shirt was a little damp. She was quite put off by this. There was this frown on her face and she aggressively wiped my sweat off of her arm. I suppose for a lady this can be a disgusting thing. I was somewhat devastated by this turn of events. All of a sudden, all of the positive energy I thought I had earned seemed to go away in the matter of a second.

The wind was really out of my sails. There is nothing worse than feeling attraction towards a beautiful lady and seeing her contort her face in pain because of something physical about you. I felt worthless and disgusting. My lack of self-confidence came out. I desperately wanted to leave and somehow fix the situation. We talked about it a little bit and she apologized and said she "is a princess." She made a strong effort to ignore the sweat and I think she did a good job. While I am pretty sure she did not want to touch me, she danced away and acted as if she was having a good time. The dance floor was very crowded and there was no hole for me to climb in.

After dancing about 5 or 6 songs, I convinced her that we should take a walk. I did not want to play this charade anymore. I knew I had feelings for her and I was pretty convinced that this situation had ruined any chance I had. Perhaps she wanted to see me dancing because she thought this was a place with which I could shine. Maybe this was my chance to convince her that I am attractive.

We walked down the street and I just could not say anything productive. Any chemistry I thought we had was gone. Eventually I was successfully able to address the situation. I was able to get her to explain how she was feeling. To my surprise, while she said she liked me, there was absolutely no spark for her even after (or during) the first date. She thought that perhaps if we went out again, maybe one would develop. From the scrunched look of her face after she first touched me, clearly one did not.

All of the smiles and good feelings that had developed over the last few days were gone. They were replaced by the bad stomach lump. We talked a little more. It sounds like she feels chemistry for some other guys that she had dated or currently is dating. There were no feelings to be had for me.

I quivered a little bit and given that she is a kind human being, she felt bad about this. We still had plans for tomorrow to go hiking. We tried to figure out what to do next. Should we be friends? Am I even capable of being friends? More importantly, how will this affect me? I have been so happy for almost a month now that I was not prepared for this new feeling of sadness. It makes me not want to date again. The highs are so high but the rejection kills me. A strong man needs to deal with lots of rejection. I don't know what it is about me that makes it so hard for me.

I believe my heart is one that some women could desire. I have not found this woman in Los Angeles but intellectually believe she is here. I thought I had found her this past week but I was foolhearty and wrong. As I sit at the lab tomorrow working instead of hiking with this lumninous lady, I will try to focus on keeping myself healthy and on the right path. Inevitably I will instead be wondering what this girl is thinking and how this could have happened.

I hope this wonder does not last long. I need to learn to stay aggressive and positive. I need to learn to not let my opinion of myself waiver based on the beliefs of others. I have to remember that regardless of what happens, my heart beats again. With all of these thoughts in tow, I will instead be wondering if she is thinking about me and if she will change her mind. But if I am lucky, perhaps this time I will be strong enough to move on after a short indulgence.

Bush

2008-06-21T22:22:00.001-07:00

Love him or hate him, funny dude:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dii3mzMQ3SQ&feature=related

Thank you Willie

2008-06-17T16:28:00.000-07:00

Willie Randolph was fired today as the Manager of the New York Mets. Let me start by saying that I can't stand Mets GM Omar Minaya. I feel strongly that major league baseball teams need to be run by educated men. Why trust a multi hundred million dollar business to someone so uneducated and unintelligent? He was made out to be a laughingstock of major league baseball in moneyball and for good reason. The laundry list of his misakes has been well chronicled elsewhere so I won't bother doing it again here.

I feel strongly that Willie was made the scapegoat for the inadequcy of Mr. Minaya and more importantly Jeff Wilpon, the COO and spoiled brat son of Mets owner Fred Wilpon. Neither of these men have any business running a major league baseball team.

The importance of a manager is somewhat overvalued by the sports media. Baseball is for the most part, an individual sport made up of the talents of individual players. Players do not have to work together in the same way as football where a quarterback is only as good as a receiver and vice-versa, or basketball where a point guard is only as good as his big man and vice-versa. A good manager will simply make the moves that statistically give his team the best chance to win. For example, don't bunt with a runner on first and no outs unless your batter is horrible (say a poor hitting pitcher). (http://baseballanalysts.com/archives/2006/07/empirical_analy_1.php). Besides this, he is just there to run practice and make everyone happy, especially the media. He is to a baseball team what the queen is to England. Just be a good ambasador. For the most part, this is exactly what Willie was. He seems to be a class act, someone who sticks up for his players in public, someone who you would want to be around.

So I say thank you to Willie, you are the nicest guy who has managed the Mets for as long as I can remember. You did a fine job for the most part (with the exception of some laughable sac bunts but we will forgive those). Now can we get Omar fired and somehow coerce the Wilpons to sell the Mets? Hey Mark Cuban, if you think running Dallas is fun, you should try a New York team. PLEASE?!?!?!?!

I went running this morning

2008-06-15T21:41:00.000-07:00

I went for a run this morning with my Italian friend. I like to think of my friend's like Smurfs when writing about them. Many get a moniker. For example, I have Writer Friend, Doctor Friend, Hot Doctor Friend, Objectivist friend, Mormon friend aka Boy Wonder friend, Give a wave friend, etc etc.

So anyway, the Italian friend and I went to Santa Monica for a nice run. I have been running since I have been in LA but this was a much longer run than normal. I just looked it up and the run was just about 6 miles. This used to be a cake walk for me but lets just say that graduate school has taken a little away from my active lifestyle. I spend half my time in a dungeon aka office in front of a computer (a window, all i ask for is a window) and the other half in my bedroom in front of a computer.

The first half of the run, I felt pretty good. It was really nice to be down at the beach. When running, the most important thing to me is to be around lots of shiny happy people. The Santa Monica/Venice beach area is filled with just this. We stopped at the pier at the end. It is a pier I have very nice memories from. We took a moment there and watch the waves crashing in. At this point, I realized that my legs were a little jello-like. Nonetheless, after a short period, we headed back. Mr. Italy went on ahead, this dude does marathons and such and he was tired of my turtle like pace.

A quick aside as that reminded me of a summer camp story. When I was in 5th grade, I went to the "Ivy League" day camp. In hindsight, what a pretentious fricken camp theme. I was in the Duke group which perhaps they did not know is not in the Ivy League. I suppose 7 schools is not enough for all of the camp group one needs. My camp group had a funny mix of kids in it. There were lots of stereotypes. It could have been a bad 70s movie like the bad news bears. Anyway, there was the smart/nerdy kid (and no, it wasn't me). He would bring books to camp every day. What kind of red blooded american kid is reading books at camp? Anyway, one day he was reading a book about baseball and he really liked a passage. It was about some ball player that was really slow. It said something like, "if he had the amazingly fast speed of a turtle, he would have been one of the greats." So I asked nerd boy, how fast was this guy? And he said, "a little faster than you." Good times indeed.

Back to the regularly scheduled story. So, the run back was plodding and slow but I made it. It felt good to get a whole run done. But let me tell you, I was spent. My legs were sore, I was light headed, etc etc. We went for lunch and then headed home. I spent the entire day with a headache and barely the ability to move. Now, this evening, I have finally recovered. I think the moral of the story is that it is a bad idea to take most of the year off from taking care of one's body. Lets hope I can do better over the summer.

global warming

2008-06-15T14:12:00.001-07:00

I looked at Swerdloff.com after seeing an add for it on a sign covering a classmate from college's ass. Mr. Swerdloff linked to an interesting article. Perhaps you too will enjoy it.

http://www.kusi.com/weather/colemanscorner/19842304.html

A Deep Breath

2008-06-14T01:51:00.001-07:00

I have a lot of thoughts each day. My state of mind in the evening is often the polar opposite of the next morning. Many evenings I question the purpose of another day on earth. I lie in bed with my face down in one pillow and another covering the back of my head. My head is encased and separated from the rest of the world. But with seapration does not come quiet.

I believe there are a large number of people in this world to whom my being brings joy. At the same time, there is no one in this world to whom my being is a necessity. Perhaps this is the fate of most people. I have often tried to seek a person with whom I could not live without. No matter how hard it has been to be without certain people, I continue to move on. I had worked at jobs to which I felt they would suffer a terrible loss if I left but when the time came, they always moved on without a problem. Things always look different in the morning.

So here I am, realizing that I am capable of living on my own. Perhaps I don't understand why I am living on my own but nonetheless, I live. Furthermore, I strive. Things matter to me, whether they are seemingly small or large. I cared today when I finally played well in a softball game this year. I cared earlier in the week when I made a presentation to my research group on a project I have worked fairly exhaustively on for the past few weeks and it did not seem to go over particularly well. I care that it is possible that even with my desire and hard work, I may not be capable of succeeding in my current endeavor. (may not being the key words because may is another possibility.)

I care about people as well. I care that there is a woman out there somewhere that is so disturbed by the way I treated her that she does not want to hear from me as the mere reminder of my existence is painful. I care that another one of my friends is struggling each day to find a purpose in her life as she travels the world. I care that I seem to have the ability to make her upset at every moment when I don't intend to. I care that yet another one of my friends seems to be floating through life like the paper bag in American beauty. I care that a separate person keeps mentioning dependency on drugs and speaks about life in the passive voice.

But I also care about success. I care when a friend can find wonder in everything in life from a puzzle to a subtle nuance of the day. I care when a friend saves another life and views it in the most mechanical of terms. I care when a friend has found a true calling in life and is willing to share it with me even though she barely knows me. I care when a new bright shining face can throw a softball at me with impressive zip and with a cute smile to boot. I care when a family member has spent 8 years floundering and finally found his way in the world, even if I have become less important in the process.

So there it is, while I seem to live my life in pain and have trouble relying on people, at the same time what I just alluded to is just a subset of the stories of important people in my life. These blurbs have all been shared with me in the past few weeks. Someone cares enough to tell me and all of the pain and success is important.

So where do I stand in this? I am trying to be proud of myself. No matter how much I doubt myself as a researcher, a thinker, a lover, a companion or a teamate, I am trying to keep my head up and keep going. I have met success at times in my past. I plan to meet more going forward.

Today, I finished the last requirement for my quarter of work. This was the first time since I started my PhD that I truly cared about the material I was working on. The excitement was variable over the past few months but make no mistake, it was there. There was a time when I could speak about the special theory of relativity, the fundamentals of calculus, the ideas of the enlightenment, the workings of a data structure or other such greatness and I would just light up. Perhaps I was not the worlds greatest thinker and perhaps I did not always understand the ideas as much as another but nontheless, the greatness was in my appreciation for the beauty of an idea.

I want that. I want that very badly. When my friend said in not so many words that I am a romantic with a multiple-personality disorder, I think she was right. As I take tomorrow off, my first complete day off in 3 months, I hope that in the following day, I can go to sleep with no pillow covering the back of my head separating myself from the world. I hope that I can rest easy knowing that the day had been a success.

Tim Russert

2008-06-13T13:28:00.000-07:00

I don't think I have ever been so sad to hear that a celebrity has passed away as I was when I just found out that Tim Russert has. I have been listening to the Meet the Press podcast almost every week for the last 3 or 4 years. It has been the only mainstream media news show that I could listen to without being angry because of the ridiculous commentary. Mr Russert was intelligent, excited, kind and fair. Even when he absolutely obliterated Ron Paul, perhaps the politician I have been most fond of in my life, I still felt like he did so fairly and objectively.

To Mr. Russert, I thank you for a wonderful career. I find it tragic that you left us so immaturely.

site of the day

2008-05-27T02:33:00.000-07:00

http://www.ibeatyou.com

a memory from high school

2008-05-27T02:00:00.001-07:00

Somehow while working on my latest project presentation, a memory of a night in high school popped into my head. I was on the editorial board of the school literary magazine, The Mast. This just goes to show there was no end to the extra curricular activities I would take part in, no matter how low my qualification level might be.

That being said, I used to enjoy writing a short story or a piece of poetry. Now that I actually write that down, I am thinking I probably would still enjoy such an endeavor. I will have to put that on my todo list. One sec, I'll be right back. OK, added, right before make a Moose stop action movie and right before learn to draw.

Anyway, the editorial board got together my junior year in high school to pick the poetry and short story for the magazine. We gathered in the basement of Dana Levine's house. All of the standard E.L.V.H.S. (our high school) nerds were there. I distinctly remember Dana (it would be weird if she weren't there given it was her house), Nina Tannenbaum, Amy Justman, Kenny Fujita and Nick Soukas being there. I'm sure many others were as well. So, we got down to business. All of the literary entries were there and were to be anonymous. I want to make clear that I am not implicating any of the particular people above as culprits. Only a subset of the members did what I am about to describe.

To get around this little anonymous problem, one by one, when a story that was written by one of the editorial board members came up, that person would get up very awkwardly and giggle, saying something like, "I think I will excuse myself for a moment." I am not sure that if they truly wanted to protect the sanctity of the process, they could have kept their mouths shut. Instead, they each made a scene as if to say, that is mine, I'm not telling you it is mine but wink wink it is. I'll be in the other room, by the time I get back, I expect my poem or story to be in the magazine.

These were supposed to be the pillars of our school, the people who cared. I remember at the time being apalled at the process. It was especially hard knowing that one of my friends who was not there was an excellent writer but not part of this "elite" crowd so he did not get to choose. Thanksfully, his stories stood out well enough on their own to be chosen anyway. But this process was part of the attitude that kept the "smart kids" separated from the "normal kids".

So, a few weeks before, I had written a poem and showed it to Dana, who I considered a good friend. As the co-head editor of the magazine, she encouraged me to submit it. Because of this, I did. When it came time to review my poem, I kept my mouth shut. Only Dana and I knew it was mine and she also kept her mouth shut. We sat there and listened to 10 of those people rip it apart. They said it was two repetitive, it had no meaning. It perhaps could work as song lyrics but not as a poem. I glanced at Dana and we shared a knowing smile.

The poem did not get in but the anthology still sits on my bookshelf in my parents house. It is chock full of many stories of children pretending to know a lot more than they actually did. My one regret is that I do not have a copy of the poem anymore. If it had made it, I would have just one more piece of my childhood to remember. I do have a vague memory of what the poem was about. The last two words of one sentence were the first two words of the next. There was a progression of one thing causing the next until the last line ends up as the first. I suppose that there is a lesson in there somewhere. Ahh well, back to work.

what a strange life

2008-05-11T22:13:00.001-07:00

So I work a lot. It isn't life saving work like Doctors, it isn't back breaking work like construction, it isn't dangerous work like soldiers. While I am not bad at what I do, I also am not particularly good at it either. Over the last 2 months, I have been working about 6 days a week and anywhere from 12-18 hours each day. At the same time, I am barely keeping my head above water. I am struggling to find time to get any research done above my classwork. If this is the best I can do (and I believe it is) and I am barely keeping up, is this the right thing for me to do?

The amazing thing is this has been the first time I have felt like I am making real progress during my graduate studies. While I am moving slowly and I can only hope I can fulfill all my obligations for the quarter, I know that I am learning and even am excited about some of the tasks on my plate. Tasks that used to be mechanical and make no sense to me are starting to feel intuitive. I will have the opportunity this summer to focus purely on research. To this point, while I have successfully published 1 paper, I have largely been a failure at this endeavor. However, I believe that this is the first time I will be able to undertake the task with the proper tools to complete it. If I am able to complete this quarter without disappointing those around me who have the power to judge me too much, I think great things could be coming. Either way, I know that I could not do a better job than I have been doing and this is a good feeling. I simply hope it is enough to keep me moving on.

Which brings me to everything that is not school. I play softball on fridays and racquetball on saturday. This is pretty much everything that is not school. It is not natural. It is easier to handle this given that I have a strong lack of desire these days. It is as if my soul is turned off, my heart does not exist. When I speak to one of my friends from a past life, I invariably upset them in one way or the other. I believe there is an emptiness inside of me that is leaking out and affecting others. There is a certain desperation, a certain lack of feeling that is not who I used to be. There was a period where I felt like a good person. Right now, at the same time as I am finally gaining some steam in my academic career, I wonder if I am losing my way everywhere else.

When I was younger, I used to speak in eloquent terms about academics and science. I used to dream of solving important problems of the world. I use to speak of the elegance of math and the vision of physics. Einstein once said, "What does a fish know about the water in which it swims all its life?" Now that I'm a fish, I have lost it. I am trying to regain it. Look at the homepage of my site here and you will find a pretty picture. Pretty pictures always go a long way towards making me happy.

So I sit here and think about all that I have squandered over the years. I am particularly sad about what I have done to Ms. Sanchez. As I think of all the romantic stories I have ever known, I realize I had a romantic story in my very own life, but being the fish that I am, I let it go. In fact, I may have chased it away like a school of pirahnas. So I hope this is the beginning of perspective. I hope I can find the romantic person I used to be. I hope I can speak of my work with wonder and excitement. Mostly, I hope I can once again engage in the love of life that seems to be at the essence of existence.

So we end with the mantra of the cyclist, may the wind be at your back and also my own.

goat to hero

2008-04-18T21:30:00.001-07:00

So I played my first softball game in about a year today. Let me tell you, it was awful at first. In my defense, I had a few things going against me:

1) I am not used to playing under the lights. It is weird learning to pick up the ball.
2) I was rusty.
3) I was a little nervous as I always am the first day on a new team.
4) The pitching was high pitch which I have rarely if ever had to hit off of so this was new.
5) We started with a 1-1 count which is foreign to me.

Ok, is that enough on the excuse front? So, I struck out twice my first two times up and made an error that cost our team 2 runs. It was not pretty. The first time I struck out, someone told me afterwards that it's ok so long as I don't go down looking. So for good measure, the second time I went down looking.

At that point, I must admit I was pretty down on myself. In the 12 years history of my softball career, those were probably approximately strikeouts 4 and 5. It was not a good feeling. I kept telling myself, "your good at this game god damnit". So, on the 3rd at bat, I fouled off the first pitch making it 1-2. But this was my time; I swung at the next pitch and hit a double up the middle. There were two outs and nobody on so it wasn't exactly a big hit but I at least didn't strike out.

So, partly because of my earlier play, the team was down something like 7 runs but we furiously raced back (no thanks to me) to tie it in the last of the 7th (and final inning). So, we got 1 extra inning. In the top of the inning, our LF made a spectacular diving catch and our short fielder made a great get and long throw to first to perserve the tie. So, in the bottom of the inning the team made a quick 2 outs and I strode to the plate.

Everyone was giving me advice: choke up, cut down on your swing, hit it down, you only need a single, yada yada yada. It's funny how everyone thinks that will help me. Let me tell you something, I swing very hard and it usually works with excellent results. I have tried playing around with the swing but I was meant to be a power hitter. I often hit line drives, it is not like i am hitting pop ups all the time. If I cut down on my swing, I usually hit a soft ball at someone or just pop it out meakly. I am not a directional hitter and I will not try to be anymore. Every time in the past I tried, I failed (or at least most times.) So, I took a mean cut and lined a single to left center. Let me tell you, I was relived. After striking out twice and making a 2-run error, I did not also want to be the guy who made the last out. I mean frankly, I would like to play again on this team and I was not making a good case to do so.

So, I was at first with 2 outs. The next batter came up and popped the ball over my head. I have no idea where it landed because I bolted and never looked back since their were 2 outs. I took all 225 pounds of my frame to the maximum speed they can go, given that I also lifted weights and played racquetball earlier in the day so I was quite famished. And I felt like I was flying...at least as fast as a fleet footed moose. I rounded 2nd and they waived me to third and when I go to third they waived me home. I heard the cheering as I ran in and someone yelled slide. And so I did, just a moment or two before the ball got there. No more the lowly goat but the heroic moose!

yay

This guy is awesome

2008-04-10T00:44:00.000-07:00

this and this

so how many was it?

2008-04-10T00:10:00.000-07:00

I read this article about a jr high sex ed teacher who decided to tell her students that she is gay today. The article mentioned that "Some [parents] complained to school officials." This makes the parents seem to be intolerant and closed minded. My question is, how many parents is "Some"? Is that one set of parents? Was it two? Was it 1/4 of all parents? Half? 3/4? Some is incredibly vague but it leaves me thinking, oh those silly Wisconsin people, they are so bigoted and closed minded.

But wait a second, it only takes one set of parents to state that line. Perhaps the writer is manipulating us because they want to sell the story of a closed minded community. I am absolutely tired of leading sentences like that showing up in the press. Could the press start to be more honest in the way things are reported? Don't use vague words like "some", instead say 2 parents complained or 20 parents complained or whatever it is. The aim should be to paint an accurate picture, not to make us outraged.

I got into a large fight with a non-American friend a few months ago because in my opinion, she was saying a lot of anti-American stuff that I found to be pretty ridiculous. The details are not important and perhaps I was even wrong. What is important is that it has become the norm to spout lots of anti-American things. Now, don't get me wrong, I am no apologist for America. I think The government and the people of the country do lots of bad things. However, the country and the people do lots of wonderful things too. The problem is, the news is reported in such a comic book style that only super terrible and super great things are reported.

If some teacher has a super interesting class and people are open minded and discuss issues in a great way, there is no story to tell. However, if people are outraged in a classroom about a gay teacher or a teacher sleeps with their student or if all the students in a classroom fail a test or if some school has a kid who makes a huge discovery, it is reported. The point is, there are a whole boat load of subtle, every day wonderful things going on in this country that simply go unnoticed by the media. They only focus on sensational stories either positive or negative.

This type of reporting is infuriating. I am at a University where people tend to be very thoughtful, hard working and often have wonderful motives for the things they do. For example, I have a friend who didn't cut his hair for a year. I thought it was his style or he had the personality where he just wouldnt care enough to get a hair cut. However, at the beginning of this quarter, he came back with his head shaved. I was pretty shocked. I asked him what made him shave his head. It turns out he lets his hair grow out to 10" before cutting it so that he can donate it to kids undergoing chemo. I'm pretty sure no one is telling this story.

So, lets stop harping on how Americans are greedy, only care about oil, are imperialistic, lazy, fat, bigoted, wealthy, dominant, great athletes etc etc etc with all of the superlatives people. I get it, there are superlatives. Let's instead focus on the more typical in life. What is the true essense of life here? I would argue there is a wild mix of people and you can come accross all kinds. I like to think that 2 sets of parents called in to complain about the gay teacher and 23 sets were smart enough to realize that it's fine for a sex-ed teacher to be gay. She likes women -- you know what, so do I. Whether or not I am right for this case, I am pretty confident that I am right that American is a much more normal decent place then the stories you get on the news.

Your tax dollars at work

2008-04-09T13:53:00.000-07:00

http://gizmodo.com/377927/federal-employees-spend-your-tax-dollars-on-johnny-walker-gold-gambling-and-ipods

Scott Blowenweiss

2008-04-09T11:06:00.000-07:00

From nymets.com

------------------------------

Yet Schoeneweis stayed in, plunking Utley and then watching as Carlos Delgado threw Howard's potential double-play ball into Utley's back. That play tied the game, so he left the mound to boos and with a 5.40 ERA in tow -- despite the rally hinging largely on luck. Jorge Sosa later allowed Utley to score as well.

"I'm not upset by it," Schoeneweis said of the crowd's reaction. "I'm used to it. It's just commonplace.

----------------------------

So you're used to booing, eh Scott? That's just super.

When it comes to baseball, im often a cold bastard but...

2008-04-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

I tend to eschew the finer stories of baseball in lieu of statistical models of performance. The human interest stories I read about are often tired, cliche and just useless. However, this one made me feel good. I appreciate the management of the Red Sox more every day. Too bad this excellence has to be wasted on the whiniest fans in all of sport.

Apache

2008-04-08T14:14:00.001-07:00

And I thought Will Smith had the funniest video to this song.

I love this man

2008-04-07T10:48:00.001-07:00

It is so simple. I love a man who can explain the simple in simple terms. Why do other politicians have so much trouble seeing the simple truth?

Scan to the 2:00 mark. That is where the fun begins:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEA2gNTeTxk

Sometimes people suck, sometimes they don't. Almond Joy has nuts, Mounds don't.

2008-04-06T14:00:00.000-07:00

I went dancing the other night and had a pretty mediocre night of dancing topped off by one of the worst dances ever. There was a girl who was dancing with a guy and at first they seemed too flashy but after watching for while, I got sucked in a little. The guy was pulling some neat moves. So, a little later I asked the young lady to dance. She said something about needing to see what some guy was doing but she would catch me later. We ended up dancing the next song. It was just awful. She did that whole I think you suck so I'm not going to really dance but just go through the motions thing. I HATE THAT. I was trying everything. I tried to make eye contact, I tried to smile, I tried to be fancier, I tried to be less fancy, but in the end, it just failed. At this point, I was feeling like shit and really wanted the dance to end. And then, very suddenly it did. I wasn't paying attention because my mind was elsewhere and so I did a little right side pass and didn't look where I was sending her. Her back collided with another person's. I apologized and said, are you OK? And she said emphatically, NO. Then, she stormed off. I wasn't quite sure what to do. She walked into a little side room. I walked over there. I wanted to make sure she was OK. (Well, actually I didn't want that but I thought it was the right thing to do.) I sort of just peeked in to see what was going on. She was sitting there and two other people were there with her. I decided that she clearly did not like me for whatever reason so I just walked away. I just did not know how to handle the situation. The truth was, I thought she was a horrible bitch and she was really ruining my night. I was having a hard time believing that a mild back to back collision had truly injured her which is how whe was carrying on.
I ended up just sitting around for the next number of songs. I didn't want to leave on this low note but I did not feel like dancing. It was pretty sad. Then, eventually, she came out of hiding and walked by me and started talking to the guy next to me. She explained dramatically to the guy about how she spun into someone and her arm was above her head and the impact did somehting to her shoulder yada yada yada. Some dude apparently gave her a magical massage. Then, she started dancing again about 2 minutes after that. This was one of the few times in my life where I fantasized about hitting a woman. (ok, not for real but it was a fun thought.)

The funny thing about this situation was the attitude of this girl. She acted as if she was the bell of the ball (thanks to molly for the phrase). She was a good dancer but was no superstar. Also, she was quite unattractive, had an obviously awful personality and frankly her outfit was tacky. It was this light blue drape like thing with a big hole in the back with more material under the hole. She fits one of the ugliest of swing dance stereotypes. She seems to be the ugly nerdy girl growing up who got no attention. I am no foreigner to this type of upbringing. However, I like to think I have come into my own as a decent human being. Anyway, there is a subset of awkward childhood people who seem to harbor lots of regret that they were on the outside. The swing world presents a place for the socially awkward to be social climbers. All the young social outcast who complain about the mean popular kids...well if given the chance, perhaps you shouldn't become them.

Anyway, soon after that I got back to dancing and I found two different ladies that I was able to connect with and had a nice time with. One had this really warm smile and had a great time when she danced. I told her that she had a nice smile. She told me that she is a really happy person. That's nice to be happy and to proclaim it to the world. The other one, well we just had a really nice dance connection. We must have danced about 5 songs together. We both had that knowing look that we felt the same thing from the music through our limbs. I suppose it's true, one person's trash is another person's treasure.

Quote of the day

2008-04-06T13:56:00.000-07:00

"He eats Gummy Bears and Starburst for breakfast, and Twizzlers and Honey Buns for dinner. That's why his stomach hurts. We tell Derrick the whole year, 'Stop eating so many Gummy Bears and Sour Straws.' But he can't. ... Nobody eats Gummy Bears more than him."

-- Memphis baskeyball player Chris Douglas-Roberts on teammate Derrick Rose

Final 4 quote of the day

2008-04-04T23:30:00.000-07:00

"Now, the other programs are more highly thought of than Memphis, and they should be. Between UCLA and Memphis, we've won 11 national titles," he said. "That's a good number."

-- John Calipari

(In case you don't get it, UCLA has 11 national titles)

Lets go Mets

2008-04-03T11:06:00.001-07:00

I would be remiss if I did not mention the beginning of the baseball season. This is my first baseball season away from the east coast. While it is neat to be able to watch baseball games at 10am or 4pm as opposed to 1pm or 7pm, I will get far fewer chances to head out to Shea this year in sadly, its last year. So here is to the Mets who, although they are run by a bunch of morons, have a decent team (great starting staff, mediocre hitting and the bullpen yet to be known). Let's bring one more world series championship to Shea. Short of that, perhaps a Cy Young (Mr. Santana) and an MVP (Mr. Wright.) Lets go Mets!

Response to an article on the flying spaghetti monster.

2008-04-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

In response to this article, I wrote a response to the author:

Dear Mr. Hayes,

In your article "SEEING THROUGH THE HAYES: Flying Spaghetti Monster exposes myth of neutrality in public square", you wrote:

"While the idea of creation via the Flying Spaghetti Monster may seem
ridiculous, modern Darwinist dogma is even more ridiculous in saying
the universe came into existence out of nothing. To put it in
mathematical terms, nobody multiplied by nothing equals everything."

The problem with this statement is that you are not attacking evolution, you are attacking some individuals' misinterpretation of evolution. The theory of evolution does not postulate on the origins of the universe. Genetics speaks of subjects such as natural selection, recombination, adaptation, genetic drift, etc. In other words, it speaks about how one generation comes from the previous generation.

It should be made clear that we should not be teaching the origin of life in school systems whether we do it through faith based ideas or some conjecture based on the theory of evolution. The bottom line is people do not know about the origin of life. Perhaps it would be OK to say that people have created stories based on dieties or a non-scientific extension to the theory of evolution in order to explain the origins of life.

Evolution is scientific; that is to say there are hypothesis, experiments, theories and meticulous process and proofs involved to try to create a robust theory. The misinterpretation of evolution can cause many problems. It's use as a scientific tool is unquestionable by reasonable people. There simply have been too many important applications of the theory for it to be ignored by scientists. By the same thread, no reasonable person should claim that it explains the origins of the universe as it does not.

While I applaud the defense of free expression in your article, I think your mischaracterization of evolution is dangerous. It is clear to me that what to teach at a school should be decided as locally as possible. When state and federal governments get involved, our education becomes worse, often simply serving the needs of the government. For example, instead of learning about the details of controversial presidents such as Lincoln and FDR, we simply learn "they were great men." If I know one thing, it is that the government is not the one to be making moral judgments as to how a community should teach it's children.

The curriculum for a school should be set by its school board, administrators and teachers, composed of elected members of the community and trained professionals (we can dream, right?). If they choose to eschew a solid scientific theory such as evolution in support of some dogma about the origin of the universe, I will weep for their children but applaud their freedom. Schools that need to teach dogma at the expense of science will create a group of children ill-equipped to excel in this world. This is the communities right and theirs alone.

Sincerely,

Ethan L. Schreiber

Standard Gov't

2008-04-03T10:15:00.001-07:00

Steal, give to someone more important, repeat.

http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/080403/congress_bear_stearns.html

Site of the day

2008-03-31T10:43:00.001-07:00

http://zombo.com/

government is retarded

2008-03-14T10:48:00.000-07:00

retarded government link

The problem with being a professional athlete

2008-03-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

I read this note on Felix Pie today:

"Felix Pie was scheduled for outpatient surgery to correct a case of testicular torsion."

If I were to have some sort of testicular operation, I'm not sure if I would want that information shared with the world.

flash, quicktime and firefox freezing

2008-03-09T15:15:00.000-07:00

I have a macbook pro. A few days ago, all of my web browsers started displaying the spinning beachball of death making the browser window unresponsive. At first, I thought it was because I installed Firefox 3. I later realized that the problem is flash related. It turns out that Quicktime no longer supports flash and this has caused problems for lots of users. I found some instructions on a forum about how to fix this in this thread. I have cleaned the instructions up a little bit to post here for your enjoyment.

Uninstall Adobe flash using this program.
Delete your caches folders. They are located at /Library/Caches and ~/Library/Caches. ie, open the finder and then select your hard drive. Then select Library and then drag the Caches fodler to the trash. Also, go to your home directory then Library and then drag that Caches folder to the trash.
Now /Library/Internet Plugins and make sure Adobe flash is not there.
Shutdown your computer. After it is shutdown, wait a moment and boot back up.
Empty your trash.
Download Flash Here , close all programs (including your browser) and install it.
As soon as flash is installed, go to Applications/Disk Utility
Click on your hard drive and then click the "Repair Disk Permissions" button.
Shutdown your computer. After it is shutdown, wait a moment and boot back up.
You're done!

Amazing video of the day

2008-03-02T23:44:00.001-08:00

I really hate politics.

link

a whole new world.

2008-03-01T02:19:00.001-08:00

So it is over for good. I received an email and it is over with no hope of return. I suppose if nothing else, this brings some closure. Unfortunately, this also marks the end of my ability to post here. It was a nice experiment again for a while but I all of a sudden feel very vulnerable. We shall see where times take us but for now, my writing will need to be private.

Weblogs are fucking stupid.

2008-02-25T02:16:00.000-08:00

Today, I read a diatribe on blogs:

http://mama.indstate.edu/users/bones/WhyIHateWebLogs.html

I, sadly, fit into the author's mold for the pathetic blogger. However, I want to say he missed one possible reason for blogging. I do it for therapy. It feels really good for me to put my thoughts out there in the ethos. I almost feel like when I put it out there, I can no longer hide from my thoughts. Others now know them.

There is of course the negative side. As some people may know, I was set up on a man date for tomorrow. Since my x-girlfriend recently broke up with me, my good friend (a very cute girl I may add), decided it was best to set me up to go out on a date with her x-boyfriend. I asked her if it was because she thought I was gay. She just suggested we have had some similar experiences. Apparently, I'm as big a jerk as he is.

So, here is the negative side. Both of them have now read through my blog. I go in there with him knowing about all of my craziness. I suppose that was the point, if he knows, I can't deny it. So, I go in there with my crazy rantings of the day being out there for all to know.

And thus, the experiment continues. If I continue to be as honest as possible, will I end up having anyone like me? Or, will everyone think I am nuts? I love the confident honest person, the person who loves themselves so much that they are OK with knowing all of their most horrible sides. I think they make everyone's lives better. If you like such a person, and you hear them tell you about all of their horrible flaws that you wouldn't dare share with anyone, you can realize that you yourself aren't so bad either. On the other hand, the person who always pretends they are better than they really are; well those people suck. I can tell you I go to grad school with lots of people who pretend everything is easy. And then I think, if it is easy for them and I struggled all night, I must be a moron. The only problem is, they are fucking liars.

So, I will try to be honest going forward, at least as honest as possible. I suppose that honesty policy will vary with time. For example, I used to have links to my favorite porn sites here. Unfortunately, my friend Brendan pointed out that if I were looking for a job, employers might not wish to see links to my favorite porn sites. Touche Brendan, touche indeed.

So, I will let you all know how well my man date goes tomorrow. I spoke to the friend who set us up tonight and told her I intend to speak exclusively with him about her. She did not like this idea. Such is life.

(btw, my inspiration for this honesty policy is from Justin Hall, a guy who went to college with my sister. His website is here: http://www.links.net/vita/ . He put up every last detail of his life and I thought it was neat. His website is worth checking out. links.net, how cool a domain is that?)

This quote should go down as one of the greats

2008-02-20T12:04:00.001-08:00

"Andy is one of the greatest human beings I've ever met," Rodriguez said. "I have two daughters -- well, I have one and one on the way. If I had a daughter, I would want 'em to marry Andy Pettitte. The age difference might be a little awkward, but in today's day and age anything is possible."

-- Alex Rodriguez

Some debate over at the Mets site

2008-02-19T13:02:00.001-08:00

Im pretty excited, I started a thread over at the Mets message board about a defensive study called SAFE created by a professor statistics at the UPenn wharton school. It has become quite a hot topic over there. It is kind of exciting to see so many people get so worked up by something I started:

http://www.forums.mlb.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?tsn=1&nav=messages&webtag=ml-mets&tid=327157h

numbness

2008-02-16T19:52:00.000-08:00

So I don't believe anyone outside my family has ever loved me like Vanesa Sanchez has. Sometimes, the depths of her love were unexplainable. As I explained in my last post, I have been less than happy for some time now. I have been floating through life. It is a strange mixture when you combine the extreme passion of Vanesa with the extreme apathy of me. In my heart, I thought I would marry Vanesa and have children with her. Sure, I had issues with her but she just simply seemed like the right person for me to be with.

Vanesa has been trying to break up with me for about a year now. She doesn't want to break up with me but my apathy hurts her too much. It reminds her of pains in her past. It slowly tears apart her self confidence. It foreshadows a future of pain. I have been fighting her on breaking up with me. I always felt like we belonged together. But, as time has gone on, I have heard her pain more and more. So, when she just called to break up with me, I couldn't stop her again. I think she desperately wants to be with me but at the same time feels like her heart is being attacked each and every day. It is hard to imagine finding another person so pure of heart but I simply don't have a right to hurt this girl every day of her life.

One never knows if such a breakup will last. If I were very forceful about it and insisted we stay together, I think we probably could make it happen. But again, I can't keep hurting such a lovely woman. If the breakup does last, what a strange place I am in now.

It has been a strange experience picking up my entire life at the age of 30 to move cross country. I had established pretty much my entire life as an adult in New York City. I slowly but sure built up a network there. I had friends, lovers, work relationships, communities and even family close by. I had the monuments of my youth all around me. Everything made sense to me. Things worked, and when they didn't, I had a support structure and understanding of how to make them work again. I understood how to be good in a software job. I knew the spots to go that would make me happy. I could always find a friend or 10 to speak to.

Now that I have left and gone so far away, that all seems to melt away so quickly. By coming to LA, I feel like I can't go home again. Sure, one day, I might end up back in NY. But it will be a different NY. Some of the important people have left. I don't feel like I could ever work the same type of job. Many spots now have the curse of bad memories attached.

While here, in LA, I have not found much of any connection. I have friends, sure. There are nice people out here. With the exception of one, I have not found people to truly connect with though. I feel like I am just in a different place in life, a fish amongst koala bears.

In terms of my work, I believe I have held science in the highest of esteem for my entire life. If you asked me when I was 5 , what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have said "an inventor". I suppose the scientist is the closest thing to what I was talking about back then. But now that I am here, trying to really become a scientist, trying to understand research, trying to play the game, I am not so sure anymore. There have been times in my life where whatever the main pursuit of the day was, I could not wait to wake up and get going on it. Unfortunately, this is not one of those times. There really is not anything that makes me feel like I can't wait to wake up. This is the problem.

I think it is out there. I think I could find the activity that keeps me excited, that makes me feel alive. There is no excuse for a lady such as Vanesa Sanchez to love me but not feel able to be around me. I have created this and it is unacceptable. This is a call to arms. In the words of Red, I gotta "Get busy living, or get busy dying."

If I were the house, I would give it even odds.

the shrink

2008-02-10T21:29:00.000-08:00

My father is a psychiatrist and my mother is a psychologist. Being the rebellious lad that I am, I have never gone to see either; well except for the two times my family went together. My parents convinced me to go by insinuating it might help to keep my then troubled dog. It did not and the shrink experience was short lived.

As those of you who follow the blog or know me at all probably know, I have been far less than happy for the last few years. It has been especially bad here in LA. In general, I feel a lack of emotion for life. I just find no compelling reason to do anything. My daily activities are born out by routine and obligation. If I have no obligation, I do nothing.

Every once in a while, I have a particularly awful day. Yesterday was one of these days. Without going into detail, let us just say that something happened to me which triggered some awful memories of the past. So, when I spoke to my girlfriend last night, I was in an awful place. She was very upset by the conversation to the point that she was in tears and could not talk to me anymore.

She suggested yesterday I needed to see a therapist of some sort. I, like always, said it just is not for me. While I am not happy, I do not believe the answer lies there. Today, she wrote me an email insisting I see a therapist. I, in turn, responded that I do not do that. So, she then pulls the I am hurting myself card and it is equivalent to her smoking. And so, I decided she was right. I told her that if she is willing to quit smoking immediately and for good (she has slowly been attempting to quit for the last year or so), I will go see a shrink.

She agreed. We have both stated that we are willing to stake our entire relationship on both of us following through on this. For my part, I will call the health services center tomorrow at UCLA. I hope she lives up to her part. Perhaps wee will end up happy and living forever. One can only hope.

ugh, I hope I don't have to take prozac. Yech!

The new blog

2008-02-08T01:21:00.000-08:00

So I figured out how to get this crazy blogger software to publish to my site so I dont have to use that ugly iframe anymore. This is much better. Now, I have to worry about fixing the css at some point and automating a little more of the process.

test

2008-01-31T19:54:00.001-08:00

Technorati Profile

Bloomberg/Paul presidency

2008-01-31T19:36:00.000-08:00

I watched the Ron Paul clips from the most recent (and last prior to super Tuesday) republican debates. I think Ron Paul had his best showing yet. His eloquence was astonishing in this one. His ideas have always been elegant but he seems to finally be coming into his own in speaking with a confident style. You can view the clips here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQ3-Xa2Ivxg

I was especially happy with his response to the question about what he would do as president to right the economic ship. He used that moment to explain rightfully that it is not the role of the president to right the economy. The president is the commander in chief of the military but in terms of the economy, his job is to keep taxes low, protect property rights, sound money and free trade. Beyond that, it is the people's job to right the economy. He expressed his dismay that a question like this could be asked and that people in general are currently under the mistaken view that the president is supposed to run the economy. This idea is so fundamental to the success of an economy that it is astounding and scary that the general voting populace does not rally behind it more.

So, at this date, it seems to be a very long shot for Paul to win the Republican nomination. Yet still, I feel like his message is so pure and good that I hate to see it die out. I am now beginning to hope that the only other reasonable politician I know of out there in the national spotlight, Michael Bloomberg perhaps would consider teaming up with Dr. Paul. Now, I know they certainly disagree on some issues. For example, Mayor Bloomberg is for gun control and is pro-choice while Dr. Paul strictly abides by the 2nd amendment and is right to life. Personally, I think issues like these are quite secondary as compared to righting the economic mess that our country is in.

If anyone knows about how to strenthen something financially, it is Mayor Bloomberg. While working in the finance industry, I had the privilege to work with the Bloomberg financial services terminal. It is astounding how much better his financial tools are than any other provider (such as Reuters or Bear for example.) His company is an amazing well oiled machine. Everything is organized, works well and works quickly. I am confident that between his ability to manage and build working systems (look also at the 311 system and the new website that were built in NYC under his watch that enabled the residents of NYC a much more transparent government) and Dr. Paul's historical knowledge of freedom, the constitution and economic theory, and these two men could help to usher in the next golden age of the American economy.

Bloomberg has a ridiculous amount of money to throw at the campaign. Dr. Paul has a good amount (although peanuts as compared to Bloomberg) and more importantly, a small but extremely enthusiastic and energized base to start from. If they teamed up, I think they could be a formidable force with crossover appeal to both of the two awful major parties.

So I plead with you two fine gentleman, please consider a run for president together. You might just make the finest executive branch since the great thinkers from the beginning of this fine country.

Dr. Ron Paul

2008-01-28T22:00:00.000-08:00

I have never been so excited or sure of a vote before in my life. I feel that anyone who believes in freedom and civil rights; has studied enough economics to understand the basics from the bs spewed by most politicians; and wants an honest, studied, intellectual man to run our country has no choice but to vote as I did.

boycott networksolutions.com

2008-01-24T02:35:00.000-08:00

I went to networksolutions to go and check if a domain is registered. As soon as I checked and found a free domain, they registered it themselves! This means that the only way now to buy it is through them. Apparently, there is a 5 day grace period where they can register it for free. At the end of 5 days (or apparently they do 4 days), they release it. Was a slimy practice!

You can read about it here:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/01/10/network_solutions_front_running_domain_registrations/

I feel much better

2007-11-08T04:00:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I have been very stressed out with my foray into PhD program. I made two very large mistakes. Mistake 1 is that I thought the minimum GPA at UCLA for PhD students is 3.5. It turns out that it is either 3.25 or 3.00. My advisor could not say 100% but he thinks the department's is 3.0 and the school's is 3.25. There is good ole fashioned beuarocracy for you. With a 3.1 GPA, I can stay in the CS department but can't go to UCLA. That is like living in Paris while not living in France.

Mistake #2 was worrying about the grades. In all the whining I have done this semester, what has been lost is how much I have learned. Many of the concepts I learned during my masters at Brown have become solidified here. Things that I learned the process for I am now starting to understand the underlying concept behind. I am relearning some of the wonderful math skills I had when I was 18. Unfortunately, 8 years in industry can ruin the beautifully nimble mind of a young mathematically oriented lad. While relearning linear algebra today, I have started to remember how wonderfully my mind used to work. I remembered how I used to be able to envision and understand geometric shapes and relations in multiple dimensions. How each linear operation had a real conceptual meaning to me and how it wasn't just the means to an end.

I hope as I move forward, I can keep this new healthier outlook. I hope the people around me wont have to hear me complain. Today I believe was a milestone. I hope that the next time I complain about issues at grad school, they are real and not imagined.

The 30" monitor

2007-10-29T01:42:00.000-07:00

So after many years of thinking about it, I finally took the plunge on the 30" monitor. Two words:

WOW.

OK, so that was just one word but the thing leaves me speechless. It is every geek's biggest dream.

A new life has begun

2007-10-29T01:31:00.000-07:00

So I am out in LA now and have begun a PhD program at UCLA. I have mostly migrated my website over but still have some work to do. A few thoughts here:

Grad school is really hard. After working for a number of years and getting used to you know, being paid for what I do, its hard to go back to working for (all but) nothing. Well, that isn't a fair way to put it. It is a transition from working for money to working for individual betterment.

So, I have spent quite a bit of time questioning whether I care enough about computer science to be donating the next 5 years of my life to school. Do I want to be a professor? Do I want to have 5 more years worth of computer science knowledge? Is my mind spry enough to be learning some pretty tough new concepts?

I don't have any answers yet but I hope to at some point. For now, I put my head down and move forward. I am trying to learn to pace myself. When I was young, I was an awful student. I wouldn't work very hard at all. By the time I worked for 6 years and then went back to work on my masters degree, I became a workaholic. I need to find the happy medium in terms of my classes. I need to learn to not spend all of my time on classes. I have not been able to begin my research yet because my two classes have taken up all of my time. I hope I can figure out a solution to this before the semester is up.

Outside of this, I am trying to adjust to LA. My back had been hurting me for the last few weeks but I think it is finally feeling better. I hope to be back in the gym and dancing now. Perhaps with feeling better physically, everything will come together.

I'll let you know.

A little update

2006-07-11T22:46:00.000-07:00

It has been a while but I'm back. I was just going through some pics and thought I would share them with you. A short rant:

Flickr suckrs. Theyr thinkr theyr arer sor cleverr withr theirr rr thingr. Well they aren't. Moreover, they only let you create 3 web albums. For this reason, I have officially switched to google's picasa. I suggest you do the same. Check out my latest pics of Jesse Ball's wedding, Aron's engagement and my grandfather's birthday at:

http://picasaweb.google.com/home

As for me, I'm just continuing along. I had a nice softball game the other day with 2 home runs, 4 rbi's and a nice 11-10 win. Go dingers! T* and I have finally begun playing basketball. She ain't half bad. The cortex is coming along nicely. Things is good and this blog has become boring as hell. Deal people, deal.

Trip to Long Island and Noah

2006-04-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

I went out to long island this weekend for Passover. I just happened to meet my nephew for the first time (he was born 9/1/2005). As they say, better late than never.

Here are some photos.

It is not because I am busy.

2006-04-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

Whenever I read a blog and there is a long hiatus between entries, the author will inveitably talk about how busy they have been. I have been somewhat busy recently but not too busy to write a blog entry. I have no super good reason to not have written recently. The best excuse that I can give is that there is something of consequence that has happened to me that I am not allowed to discuss in a public forum. Having an event in my life like this that I cannot speak about somewhat goes against the mission statement of this blog. However, since I have already been a failure in keeping to the mission statement of being candid and honest, I guess what is a little more sand being poured in the Sahara between friends.

The big non-secret news in my life is that my MacBook Pro arrives tomorrow. I am quite excited about this. I am a long term fan of the PC. There are many times in my history where I argued (and I still believe) that the Macintosh was a piece of crap. Without getting into that here, let us say that I now think that they make the best noteboook computer on the market. It is possible that this has been true for a few years now. Anyway, it is the end of an era.

In other nice news, I will finally meet my nephew Noah on Thursday. He is 7 months old and I gotta say that he has been in this world for too long for me to not have met him yet. I will see him on Long Island at my parents house where we will celebrate the wonderful Jewish holiday of passover.

This holiday is designed the way a holiday is supposed to be. You get together with your family and eat dinner while talking about thie history of the holiday. How perfect is this? No fake fat men giving out presents, no silly stories of candles as excuses to keep up with the fat man, no talking about how terrible you are and apologizing, no celebration of massacres of people, no celebrations of homicidal explorers etc etc. Just a nice story and some food. I look forward to it.

Cheers.

The University, not the Country

2006-03-28T12:25:00.000-08:00

I got rejected from Columbia today. It is somewhat disheartening but I preferred to go to NYU anyway. We shall see if they think I'm worthy of working 75 hours a week for minimal salary for them. If that doesn't work out, well I'm not sure what to do. I guess I will have to figure that out. Wouldn't it be nice if the universities told you how close you were to being admitted? Did three faculty members get into an argument deciding whether or not to let me in? Did they all agree I was not worthy? Were they just about ready to let me in before they chose Michael Pennypincher, the son of AJ Pennypincher, the wealthy finacier?

Oh well, life goes on.

Honesty and Hatred

2006-03-08T11:22:00.000-08:00

The original M.O. of my blog was to be honest. It turns out I'm a failure at this. It is not that I am overtly lying to you but that I am not as open as I wish to be. I keep having thoughts like what if the people that get to decide if I go to graduate school next year read this and hate me? What if that cute girl I met (who obviously if you have been reading will be sure to have a boyfriend) reads this and thinks I'm a freakshow? There was a time in my life where I was more concerned with being honest than being loved. That time apparently has passed. It turns out that I am a signaller. While I want to be honest and transparent and let my actions speak for themselves, I apparently do not do that.

My friend Jed once told me that when he starts dating a new girl and ends up sleeping with her, he doesn't hold back the bed farts. Most guys wait months before their first bed fart. We pretend that we don't fart. Let's face it, we can control it if we choose but who wants to leave the room just to release a little methane? I was impressed that he could be so secure in himself as to do a bed fart the first night in bed with a lady. To me, this is the gold standard in honesty. Perhaps one day my blog will reach that type of lofty standard.

In other news of honesty, Jamie Sue served up a heavy dose of it today in email form:

"I googled you and found your blog. I haven't read all of it. But what does it mean that I like you better in blog form than in actual person. That sounds harsher than it is intended, but maybe you know what I mean. You seem happier via blog...or happier even in misery. "

I want to start this off by saying I think the world of Jamie Sue so please don't come out and chastise her for being cold hearted. She is not. That being said, I think we should all explore this statement. Why am I more loveable in blog form than in real life? Recently, Jay wrote to me, "I wonder if there is a parallel universe where an optimistic Ethan lives?" Perhaps there is this parallel universe and we shall call it the blogosphere.

In a final wrapup, I need to write about original doctor. She is another fine lady in my life these days. Somehow, we spend a lot of time complaining to each other about the terribleness of life. How could I spend time speaking to a beautiful, smart, passionate lady complaining? So we have Ethan's next blog resolution:

I resolve to be more positive. I am going to turn the real world into the alternate universe and be more optimistic. Optimal, if you start putting together another chart on how optimistic I am each day,... well I'll think of something.

Women with boyfriends

2006-02-20T14:52:00.000-08:00

Let us discuss a vague string of events at a party:

1: A beautiful girl strikes up a conversation with you
2: The two of you end up talking for two hours. She is a wonderfully intelligent and thoughtful.
3: You ask her if you can walk her home. She says yes.
4: You walk her home and she gives you a kiss on the cheek. You make tentative plans to go out again.
5: You email back and forth where you tell her you had a splendid time together and she tells you she had a great time.
6: When the time to finally make concrete plans comes, she tells you that she has a serious boyfriend.

Is this normal? This has happened to me three times since being in Providence and twice in the last 3 weeks. Do these women really have boyfriends? Are they blowing me off? If they do in fact have boyfriends, are they giving mixed signals? Am I picking up on signals that are not there? I can't figure out if this is a Providence thing, a Brown thing, a bad luck thing or an Ethan is not so desirable thing. Anyone have any ideas?

The first two times I could deal just fine with. They both were the type that while my interest was piqued, they had flaws in terms of my feelings towards them. This last girl, she seemed pretty great. I guess the good thing about just getting your hopes up is that hopes don't really exist anyway. They are merely a figment of my imagination. I keep in mind that those who count their blessings are the happiest people. At least I bought a book on randomness. 1,2,3,4,...

slide is done and splendid women abound.

2006-02-17T23:46:00.000-08:00

Let's get the boring stuff out of the way first. I finished up the slide problem for my AI class. I asked a TA what was the expected metric to see that our program works well. I asked that if we solved all of the example problems, was that enough? He said you won't be able to solve all of the example problems. I retorted that I already had. That was a good feeling.

Paragraph two of boring stuff that doesnt compare to the end of this entry: I also went to the gym today. I listened to the times talk with Bill Murray as I worked out and ran. It paled in comparison to the talk with Larry David. I got bored and turned it off in the middle. I did get to play some basketball. I played on the same team with Reed who I had played one on one with recently. He was the one who I was down 18-9 to but ended up winning 21-19. One of the great comeback performances of my life. Reed is quite good. He is kind of Dirk Nowitzki like. All in all, the game was a good time. I wasn't shooting well at all but was doing a good job on the glass. I think I was playing against mostly u ndergads and they just couldn't deal with the fact that I was much bigger and stronger. Anyway, good times.

Now, onto the good stuff. Tonight was Vanessa Sanchez's birthday celebration! This was the nicest time I have had with Ms. Sanchez since the first time i met her. We spoke for a while. She is super sweet. I then got to spend some time with one of my favorite people; ms. Demitra ... It's kind of funny that she is so super but I don't know her last name. Perhaps this is part of her charm. Now, Demitra will have to figure out if I am writing this because I know she knows my blog exists and will read it or if I really mean it. I know the correct answer.

Demitra and I were talking next to the bathroom. It was a more entertaining spot than you might imagine; and not because I'm a pervert. But everyone ends up going to the bathroom so you get to strike up fun short conversations with lots of different people. Tonight, I hit the jackpot on such an encounter. As I was speaking to Demitra, another beautiful woman came by. She, like everyone else was coming for the bathroom. I noticed she was wearing a cocktail umbrella on her ear. I commented on it and she promptly went to get me one. It went on from there without giving out too many details. Her combination of beauty, intelligence and general fun demeanor is rarely rivaled by people that I meet. Let us hope I might have more to say in the future. Nice to go to sleep happy.

simulated annealing makes tuesday almost like wednesday

2006-02-14T22:30:00.000-08:00

This was edited due to current events. The old info is gone and denied. There goes my goal of being candid. At least Dimitra knows the reason I changed it.

As for work, today was the day of making a* search algorithm into the IDA* Search algorithm. (Iterative Deepening A*) Exciting stuff! Well, it's exciting that it worked.

I have been much quieter recently than usual. I have moved to the back of my lab and really don't speak very much. It has helped to get more work done. I have a ton to do these days. I am definitely in the sophmore slump right now. Since I am doing my masters in one year instead of two, it happens in semester two instead of year two. Right now, I feel like I know nothing about anything. I think this comes from learning something new and then having to sit back and digest it. I hope that I will look back on this one day and chuckle at my concern that I will never get this stuff. That would be nice. I am having a little doubt right now that I will be able to finish the masters this year. I hope I can pull through. It would be a real shame to have to wait longer.

I wore my skinny person pants today. It appears as if I really am losing weight. I am on a strange diet. Some days I dont eat much and do the slimfast thing. Some days Im not up to that. I have been going to the gym as much as possible. It is harder now that the semester has started. I did manage to go today. I played some nice games of basketball. I played one on one with a guy who was able to perform a reasonable facsimile of the dream shake. He also was as classy a guy as Mr. Olajuwon. He beat me 15-10 I believe. But then we played 3 on 3 and he and I were on the same team. We dominated. With our team one point away from victory, I got the ball in the corner. As I rose from the ground to take the last shot , my opponent came running at me (he was quite far away) and yelled "don't miss." At I released the ball, I said, "I won't" and then watched the ball swoosh through the net. And with this, I will bid you good night.

Apple

2006-02-12T11:44:00.000-08:00

As everyone who knows me knows, I dunt (said like Lucy making fun of Ricky) like Apple so much. I recently bought an Ipod. This was my first foray into the wonderful world of this tech/religion company. I must say that while I appreciate the ipod and think it may be the best player out there, it is fatally flawed. I kind of chuckled reading this thread today.

It strikes me that Apple is making the same mistake it made 20 years ago and their loyal followers are blind to it. Let us first discuss the pro's and cons of the ipod.

Pros:

1. It is gorgeous. Apple does an excellent job making all their electronics veeeery preeety.
2. That clickwheel is great. This is the #1 best thing about the ipod. I have had a few mp3 players and the fatal flaw of each one is that navigation is impossible. The clickwheel is great. It makes it very easy to go through your songs.

That is it. These are all the pros. Now, this does not mean that the ipod isn't good. This is just suggesting that those are the only two things apple does better than everyone else.

Now, the cons.

1. Durability. The thing is impossible to not screw up. It is beautiful day 1 but ages like an egg sandwich ('quickly' for the poetically challenged)

2. Cost - A major problem that Apple falls on too many times. It is too expensive and I don't see this changing since this is Apple's business model. Make a comparable product and sell it for 40-100% more than competitors.

3. I can't plug it in easily. I can only plug the thing into a usb port. When I plug it into a USB port, I cannot listen to music on the thing until I open up Itunes and then "eject" the ipod. This process usually takes about 30 seconds. It should NOT take 30 seconds to plug a simple electronic device in and use it.

4. THE BIG ONE! Apple never did and still does not play well with others. When will they learn that this is the important part of succeeding in the corporate world. This does not mean that you must be nice to your competitors. It means that you must acknowledge what is out in the market and then work well with it.

Itunes is a monstrosity designed to remove your control over your own device. Let us examine what an ipod is. It is a hard drive with a processor and some software to run music off of the hard drive. Why then does Ipod try to hide that there is a hard drive in that thing? I cannot freely copy music onto and off of my ipod. I have to have a copy of each piece of music on my computer in the itunes library and on my Ipod. This is inane. This is the equivalent of Sony not allowing others to use the Betamax format 25 years ago. They are trying to strongarm people into buying songs from Apple. In the process, they are going to alienate people as soon as somone else provides a pretty device with a good interface that allows people to use it how they please.

So, when I read comments from the thread above asking Microsoft to bring it on and suggesting that they have no chance, I laugh. Microsoft is no great maker of user interfaces. Their stuff used to be horrible and is now merely ok. They certainly don't compete with Google on user interface design. However, Microsoft has always gotten it in one place Apple doesn't seem to. Don't strongarm the consumer, strongarm the companies that sell stuff to consumers. That is the way to become a giant. This is why the Apple will go from a dominant position with a chance to take over the media world to just another mp3 player.

I can't wait for 2010 to see if I am right or wildly wrong. Also, I'll probably be bald by then. Damnit, scratch the can't wait until 2010 thing. I'm perfectly pleased with 2006.

A typical saturday in Providence

2006-02-11T23:55:00.000-08:00

I woke up today and headed over to the CIT. (This is the Brown Computer Science building.) I guess this is the start of another typical Ethan day. Unfortunately, I forgot that I had a meeting with Aurojit Panda (best last name ever) today to speak about MPI (inane Message Passing Interface for computing on networks of computers.) Sorry Mr. Panda!

I did have a meeting with Ronald Mc Shrivaths though to talk about AI. Working with Shrivaths reminds me how sharp I might have been when I was 22. I'm not sure if I really was ever as quick as Shrivaths but I like to think so. Unfortunately, my mind has attrophied so much that I can't remember back that far. But I like to pretend I make up for it with experience. Nothing like working with young grad students to make a 28 year old feel 117.

And then on to Ice skating with the gang. This was a nice little diversion from the world of academia. I think a picture tells a thousand words so I will let the pictures tell the story.

Anyway, I went back to the lab where I spent 4 hours working on a silly bug. It seems to me that TreeSet.contains is not implemented correctly in the JVM. I will investigate further. It seems hard to believe that Sun has implemented this incorrectly but I wrote my own (unfortunately linear time as opposed to constant time) contains function that seems to work with the TreeSet so we shall see if I can get the built in function to work.

Until next time.

Time to write

2006-02-09T00:08:00.000-08:00

I wonder what the odds are that I will continue to write in this thingamajig. Why not publish my thoughts to the world? My policy going in is to be quite candid. I will say all the things that I am afraid to say. I am sure this will bite me in the ass when either I say something mean about something and they then hate me or my grandfather finds his way here and reads about some embarassing situation involving something like masturbation or peanut butter and some surgical tubing. Did I say that out loud? I will make post number one about my triumph today.

I have always thought that I would be an excellent Ice Hockey Player. I can tell you after my first appearance today that I was wrong. Well, at least I need more time to improve. Granted, 28 is not the ideal age to start any sport but man is it fun.

Luckilly, when I first entered the ice, I did not fall, on the skate from the door to the bench. I was a little nervous about this. I did do a swan dive during the warm up period though.

Later in the game, on my first ever Ice Hockey shot, I scored. I must have shot that puck at the very least 7 miles per hour, but it found the back of the net. After a roller coaster of a game, we found our team down 6-5 with about 3 minutes to go. I was sitting on the bench and itching to get in. Then, our team went on an offensive break and scored a huge tying goal with abou 1.5 minutes to go. This is when I had my opportunity to put my real stamp on the game. I got the wave to come on the ice and I pounced.

Off of the face-off, the others started a rush towards our goal but could not get past the ber-wronka wall. (I will have to come up with a better nickname). Our superstar, Brendan "The Big Card" Dickinson started a rush up the ice. At least three of their defenders swarmed to him in the corner. This is actually good strategy. He is a step above the rest of us. With two seconds left, he was able to feed a beautiful pass to me right in front of the net and I dinked it in for the winning goal!

I have played baseball, basketball and golf for 20 years but I don't think I have ever had such a clutch score ever before. Even though I was more likely to fall than get a shot off today, perhaps the gods are telling me something. Cheers to the k-means hockey team and call me a hoser cause I love this game, eh.